Ok, JU, I'm looking for a little advice, so any comments are welcome. If you think I'm gay or just a retard, let me know. But before judgment is passed, let me tell the story....Here goes....
So a female co-worker, whom just recently transfered into my division in our department, has taken a special interest in me. Eventhough I've been workeing there for about a year, I've only been working with this girl for about a few months. It was when we started working together that she first took upon this interest. I have noticed from the start and I(being a dumbass)I would flirt back with her just being friendly and all. I always joked around with her, but never ever was I serious.
She would drop hints like, "You ever wanted to give someone a big ol' bear huge, Adam?", I responded with a apprehensive "no", and then asked her why, she said, "I don't know, there is just something about this person that makes me want to give them a big hug." I then asked,< "Well, why don't you?". She then said, "I don't know..." and left it at that. I didn't ask any more questions because the hole tone of the conversation "WEIRDED ME THE FUCK OUT". Then, every monday, she would ALWAYS tell me about her weekend adventures. About the guys she slept with, how much she drank, how horny she was all weekend, and ect.....sometimes going into VAST detail...(the thought of explaining anymore would again, "WEIRD ME THE FUCK OUT", so please excuse me from further elaboration). I would tune her out, because it was the opposite of intellectually stimulating banter, to say the least; I'd chime in with an occasional "Yeah", Really", "that's nice", "great" or, Ummmm. I never, ever, tried to give her the slightest indication that I was interested, because I wasn't. Then I realized that just talking to her made it seem so;"SHIT", I woud tell myself.
Every thing was revealed this past Tuesday, when she was telling me about her weekend exploits. She talked about how she got "pity sex" from some dude. I didn't really give a shit, sex was all she ever talked about. Then out of nowhere, she said, Adam, has the hints ever been clear to you? I mean, haven't you noticed?". I notice but like a dumbass, because it was a reaction, I asked anyway. She then said, "I want to have sex with you". I was torn between laughter and nausea. Actually, I was so perplexed I didn't know what to think, let alone say. The only thing I could manage to get out was, again, another question I knew the answer to but I still asked because I'm a dumbass, "How long have you felt this way"?. Oh, about two or three months now, she replied.Which again, was ironically around the time we started working together.
Which brings me to today and how I feel about this. I really don't want to be a wimp and puss out, but I'm really not interested. I mean, and this may be a stupid question, but am I really obligated to sleep with this person because she wants to sleep with me? I've been trying to find out why she does. I get answers like, "Cause your sexy. There's just something about you that I can't put my finger on. I like you a lot. and my personal favorite, I heard that black men make the bests lovers, and I'm intrigued by this." OOOOKKKKAAAYY.......
Now I know a little about her, and since we've only worked together for a while, she doesn't really know anything about me. What I know about her is that she has she's a 23 year-old mother of two, who happens to live with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Oh yes, her ex is the father which means, she never married him, so what I'm basically saying is, she got knocked up . She is a "nympho whom has never experienced a full orgasm, and she has to have attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention it is, as long as she gets some. She rather have guys view her as a whore because she knows that the desperate would sleep with her, which in-turn, satisfies her sexual thirst. Although she says that this would be a "no strings attached" relationship, I know her all to well to believe that. If we slept together, this girl would become even more attached and I really don't want that.
So, I guess what I'm asking is, am I a idiot for not wanting to have sex with her? I've been talking to her but was I an idiot for still talking to her which just lead her on? And is it alright if I tell her now that I'm not interested? I mean, I want to have a nice way of "letting her down", I don't want her to get uber-depressed and kill herself because, on top of the things I mentioned earlier, she is an emotional basket case as well. We just have nothing in common and I'm not attracted to her, but she thinks that we do and that I am. *GAH*
I think I know what I need to do, I'm just not sure how to go about doing it. I'm ashamed to admit, but I really have little experience when it comes to this and I feel stupid for getting myself into this because had an intuition from the start she had a thing for me. But you live you learn,.... right?
-pas pacis-
-mx-
