February 5, 2004
You can make me so pissed off, beyond belief; I want to slit your throat. Then I see you and I melt, and then I get really angry with myself. You're so charming, that's for sure. That's another thing that makes me so mad at you, but makes me fall for you everytime. You know it too; all you have to do is stare at me and you have me smiling. It makes is so much easier to forgive you for all the shit you've pulled. You smile and have that look in your eyes. Why did I have to be the one to fall for the charmer? I hope you're not going to be the one I never get over, because I know someday I'll want to get over you. I've been through that with so many times already with you, but no final time yet. I don't think I'll ever be able to let you go as much as I really, really want to. You smile at me and my knees get weak. You tickle me and I want to kick you; hard. I love it though, and you know I do. You pick me up, turn me upsidedown because you're goofy and just touching me makes you happy, doesn't it? You pick me up and turn me upsidedown inside too. You don't put me down and make it right the way you should though, I have to fend for myself when it comes to the mending. Shit happens; yeah it does, but that doens't make it right and doesn't mean you don't need to apologize. Take me in your arms, make me melt, tell me you'll never lie again, make my knees weak, tell me how so sorry you are; kiss me. Sometimes I don't want to like you, but sometimes we can't even control our own feelings. Sometimes I wish I could just say goodbye and never see you again. I don't know if deep down that's what I want, or if it's really you I want. You confuse me; I confuse myself. You're a charmer and it pisses me off. And even if I get over you someday, someday that seems so far away, I'll never forget you. I know you won't forget me either, even if you wanted to. We won't be each other's "only" but I know that there will never be one like you, and you know that there will never be another like me, never. It will end, but we'll always have those memories. But right now, I don't want to get over you, and even if I did, i couldn't.
"...so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose. Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose." ~Sarah Mclachlan (I will remember you)
