Hello.  One of the reasons I joined this site was to get some outside opinions on a subject that my wife and I are currently going threw.  These are tough times in my home and this problem is really hindering my relationship with my wife.  So I am asking for help and opinions with this matter.

   So about 5 months ago my wife gets a phone call from my friends wife saying that my wife slept with her husband and continued to chew her out while my wife sat on the coach not saying a word.  Then she wanted to talk to me so my wife gave me the phone and his wife told me that my wife slept with her husband, of course I defended my wife.  Later that night my wife told me that it was true that she did slept with him. I was crushed and asked questions and all kinds of other stuff.  Then I asked if she wanted to slept with him and my wife told me no.  I didn't want it, it just happened.

   We continued to talk all the time, me asking how it lend up and her feelings on it.  My wife told me that they shared a hug one night and my wife went to kiss him on the cheek and he turned his head and got part of her lips.  Nothing was said between them at that point besides have a good night.  They texted each other a lot in the day and he asked questions like "do you think I am a good kisser" and say that my wife's lips are so soft, and she wouldn't respond to these questions or compliments. 

   The next week my wife asked him if he could come over to buy her some smokes at the gas station as she didn't have any or any money to get some.  He agreed to come over and get some for her.  My wife went to the gas station with him and while in the store, he grabbed her arm and pulled her in and tried to kiss her, she was nonresponsive and tried to break as soon as she could.  On the way home from the store he tried to hold her hand in the truck and she remembers looking at his hand and thinking it wasn't right and ended up dropping a soda on the floor of the truck because she was shaking so bad, and she told him not to hold her hand.

   The next day he asked why she wouldn't hold her hand and she told him that it wasn't right and he made her feel nervous and scared.  I am assuming the texting and contact slowed for the next week (as i was off work for that week) besides him making gestures of what he wanted to do with her. And again she says she would ethier not respond or try and change the subject.

  As soon as I went back to work he called her and asked if he could come over and look at parts on the net for his truck.  She said that would be ok.  While he was over looking at parts for his truck he was talking about his relationship with his wife sucks and she mistreats him and all kinds of other stuff.  So my wife listened and talked to him, but the kids keep running in and out of the house so she got up and asked the neighbor to watch them while she talked to him about his problems, the neighbor agreed and my wife shut and locked the front door so the kids would not run back in.

   He then got up from the computer and went and sat next to my wife on the coach and began to kiss her and finger her, my wife says she had her legs crossed and he was so rough trying to find the spot that he pinched her a couple of times which made her legs open for him.  She says she was foozen in a stat of fear, but thinks she might of told him NO.  Then when he got up to remove her shorts she tried to sit up, but with him pulling on them she feel back into the couch and she remembers telling him "No way Jose" or something like that which was ignored and he keep fingering and eating her.  My wife says at these point she felt even more helpless and just gave up, but when he was trying to put it in her she helped him because he was going for the wrong hole and it was hurting her.  After he was done he got up and said he needed to go and left.  My wife soon put a stop to all the texting and calls.  But not without a fight from him saying that he wanted and a BJ and that it was a shame that he never got to see her rack. 

     He did come over a few more times later in the year but I was home.  One time he asked for gas money the second time to tell my wife and I that he had broke up with his wife.

   This is a short version of what my wife has told me. But all the main details are there.  I thought at first it was rape and my wife said no it wasn't later after research and consoling she is now saying it is rape, but she will not file against him.  She can't do it because of reasons I am not sure, besides what she has told me like shes been there with her stepdad and grandpa and its not worth the time to go threw it for what they get.  And at one point she said that it was hard to think about because of the friendship they had.

    So my problems are I am having troubles understanding why she won't file against him even when he texted her(after I found out) saying "if you weren't willing then I raped you".  I am also torn on what to believe because of the past events that took place and that she let him contuie coming over after I asked that he not come over when I wasn't home.(this has a story to it and took place before anything happened, I asked my wife a question if I wasn't around who would she be with, and she said him, because he was such a good friend).

   I really want to believe my wife in this cause but it is so hard to look at and say I support you in your decisions and I will be there for you no matter what.  When I have my doubts and fears.  And to top all of this- this ex-friend of hers(and me) left a nice parting gift of an STD which is not curable and I and my wife will have for the rest of our lives, and is a constant reminder of what happened every time I use the restroom.

   So some feed back and opinions would be great. Just to let you know that my wife and I are in counseling and trying to get threw this.  But it is not a Rape counselor it is a marriage counselor.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.