CharlesCS

Join Date 08/2006

+81

I ought to be ashamed of myself

It's funny, I understand my religious beliefs pretty well yet I still tend to expect certain things as if this is how it's normally done when I know it would be a miracle for it to actually happen this way.

For the past 15 years of my life I have done nothing but screw up my entire life (and that of my family in the process). I failed to finish college, I have failed to maintain a decent credit rating and worst of all I have failed to give my family a decent life where we don't have to spend every minute of every day hoping to avoid from losing our car, getting evicted or going hungry. My abilities to manage money are about as common as snow in the Caribbean. And my wife is no better than I am.

I have tried to fix my problems, change my bad habits and learn to manage my money; but it seems I just can't get the hang of it. Strange considering I understand how to do it, I know I should yet I just don't do the right thing. But here is where I become very shameful. My desperation has gotten so bad I find myself praying to God to change me or even worse. I have prayed to God to help me out financially. Now I'm sure I'm not the only one who asks God for money. I'm sure the average contact with God between periods of no contact is about money. But my saddest problem is to check the next day to see if my miracle had been granted. How selfish of me to believe God would just give my the lottery just because I asked him to in a prayer. I guess desperation is a lot more powerful than I even thought. I've always been the kind of person to believe that you can't just ask God for a plate of food and it would miraculously appear in front of you, yet here I am with 2 lottery tickets, afraid of checking them for fear of a disappointed I am 99.9% sure I will have even though I know that is not how it works. I have this faith that God will hear me and help me but at the same time I think about all I have done and how I don't deserve it. And another day goes by and my financial woes continue to hurt my family.

Every time I do this my faith gets shaken and then I go thru the process of punishing myself for even thinking like this. Man, my religious faith is really messed up; almost as messed up as my financial skills. It seems I need more help from God than I care to admit. And also some human help as well, possibly that of a professional.

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KFC Kickin For Christ

Join Date 11/2005

+93

God says to seek him first and ALL things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33.

That's where you need to start. Using God only in cases of emergency is not the way. It's a daily walking with him that will make the difference. To only contact God over money without other daily contact is akin to only calling your "best friend" when you're hard up for money. So it doesn't take very long for that relationship to sour does it?

I can see God saying to you now..."what about this I did for you? What about that? What did you do with the finances I gave you?" If we're faithful in the little things, God gives us bigger things. But he will not give us bigger things unless we can prove our faith in the little stuff.

Your recognition of your weakness and knowing who to turn to is a great first step. It's really the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5. Jesus said "Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted." This mourning is over sin. Mourning can take on many forms and finances are one of them. It's when life didn't turn out as expected; life took a turn and you're recognizing your part in it all. You did it your way and not God's way and this is where you are and you find yourself mourning over your sin.

The next step is "blessed are the meek." It's not about being weak. It's about having strength under control. There are common misconceptions about meekness. Take a horse for example. A broken horse is useful but an out of control horse is dangerous. Same with medicine. The right medicine can cure you but it could kill someone else if not used correctly. Wind, same thing. Wind can be an uncontrollable force and very destructive when out of control.

Same with money. It can be useful or it can be devestating according to how you used it. Again, control and discipline is needed. Blessed are the meek is similar to blessed are the poor in spirit. Both speak of humility. That's the first step. If you recognize that it's really God's money and you are going to be held accountable for it someday it changes your perspective.

If you're not good with money and your wife isn't either, then maybe you need to seek someone you trust that can hold you both accountable? Someone in your family? Your church? Like a money manager that would sit down with you to look at what's coming in, and your expenses and help you make decisions that will enable you to live a better life.

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I wish it were that simple, I would require professional help since I can not ask family for help. Not only will this simply make a painful situation even worse but could also create conflicts with our family as first they will do the usual "you should know better routine" followed by the "do it my way" advise which really doesn't help because I don't really learn I only end up doing it someone else's way. The only problem with a pro is they charge and considering I already have financial issues this just add to the problem. Church? I had not been to one till recently but have not gone in the past few weeks. While some days are legit, others seem more like excuses for not going.

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KFC Kickin For Christ

Join Date 11/2005

+93

Church? I had not been to one till recently but have not gone in the past few weeks. While some days are legit, others seem more like excuses for not going.

Then you need to find a church you feel excited about going to. That you can't wait for each week. Fnd a good bible believing church. Many of the bigger bible believing churches have programs that can help you in finances. I think there is more about finances in scripture than any other subject. God does care how we steward our finances. It's a test of our character.

Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey or Larry Burkett? Both (I prefer Larry myself) have much literature on the market to help people like you manage their finances with practical guidelines to go by. If you can't find a program at church invest in a book or two from these two guys. It will be well worth it and way cheaper than getting help from the professionals.

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I appreciate the advise. I have heard of Ramsey and was at one point signed up on his site but I never got around to reading his stuff. The sad thing about me is that I get the basics but lack the ability to apply them properly or at all. Not sure why, it's almost as if I intentionally screw up.

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Maybe you shouldn't have other people dependant on you.

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I have tried to fix my problems, change my bad habits and learn to manage my money; but it seems I just can't get the hang of it.

KFC is right...admitting and acknowledging your weak points is one of the first steps to getting financially well.

Sounds like you've been fighting the financial war alone and yes, it might be time to get some help..perhaps some kind of credit counseling. Ask Our Lord's help.

It seems I need more help from God than I care to admit.

Join the club...we are all like this at one time or another.

From one Catholic to another..... Let the Holy Family be your model. Last week was the Feast day of St.Joseph the Worker. He was the provider for the Blessed Virgin Mary and Jesus. The Gospel tells us he was a carpenter. My priest told us that work was imposed on mankind as a penalty and is transformed into a blessing through our communion with Christ, a communion affected by the active part He takes in the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass.

I have this faith that God will hear me and help me but at the same time I think about all I have done and how I don't deserve it.

As to your faith...keep persevering and pray, pray, pray. As for "all you have done", (and all you have failed to do) that's where the Sacrament of Confession comes in.

Psalm 127:1-2, "Blessed are they that fear the Lord: that walk in His ways. Thou shalt eat the labors of thy hands; it shall be well with thee."

With you and for you, I pray....From the work of our hands through the intercession of Saint Joseph, O Lord, we offer sacrifice to You.

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KFC Kickin For Christ

Join Date 11/2005

+93

From the work of our hands through the intercession of Saint Joseph, O Lord, we offer sacrifice to You.

We're only supposed to pray to God. Not Joseph.

Jesus taught us how to pray "Our Father who art in heaven." He said whatever we asked God IN HIS NAME it would be done. He said "pray to the Father which is in secret and your Father which sees in secret will reward you openly." Matt 6:6

Why go to Joseph when you go directly to God himself?

Scripture is also quite clear. There is ONLY one intercessor:

""For there is one God and ONE MEDIATOR between God and men, the man Christ Jesus." 1 Tim 4:5

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Maybe you shouldn't have other people dependant on you.

Not exactly an enlightened comment. It's not like my kids can just stop depending on me. They are not even teens yet. You are not being very helpful you know.

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Scripture is also quite clear. There is ONLY one intercessor:

""For there is one God and ONE MEDIATOR between God and men, the man Christ Jesus." 1 Tim 4:5

It's 1Tim. 2:5.....The fact that Our Lord Jesus is the one mediator does not prevent those who have reached heaven (Church Triumphant) from obtaining graces and helping us (Church Militant) here. The Saints in Heaven, especially the Blessed Mother Mary and Saint Joseph, are secondary mediators by virtue of their full union with Christ This doesn't obscure or diminish the unique and perfect mediation of Christ, but rather shows its power as it is entirely dependent on His.

Why go to Joseph when you go directly to God himself?

KFC,

That's why I said "from one Catholic to another".....I'm sure ChuckCS gets it.

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Just a suggestion here Chuck. Instead of praying for more money, or for some miracle to get you out of your financial binds, pray for God to help you with the wisdom and strength to do what you know is right (financially).

You have already been blessed by God with a few things here. You have been blessed with the knowledge of how to manage money better. You have even been blessed with money, since you admit that it's not money that's the problem, but your management of it.

This accomplishes two things. First, it helps you acknowledge the blessings God has already given you... which allows you to humble yourself and thank Him for those blessings.

Secondly, we often avoid praying for things because we feel like we're greedy if we ask for things like money. However, praying for strength and wisdom over a character weakness isn't greedy at all.

Remember that God will never tell you not to pray, even about things you may feel quilty praying about. God already knows your needs and the desires of your heart. He already knows the financial circumstances of your family. Prayer isn't about reporting to God to keep him informed. Prayer is a show of faith in Him on our part.

The ony thing I'd add here is, remember the line, "be careful what you pray for, you might get it". God could (and might) put more money in your life if you pray for it. However, if that "blessing" doesn't come with the wisdom and strength to manage the money, then the "blessing" might be given in the way of teaching you why you shouldn't have more money.. yet.

God helping you overcome your character flaws may not put more money in your pocket, however, when you have the strength and wisdom to manage your money, you'll be shocked at how well you cover your financial obligations.. with or without an increase in income.

Of course, then you'll have to make sure you thank God for the blessings and not do what most people do when they are no longer in trouble... that is, figure you took care of it yourself and don't need to pray anymore. ;~D

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