You will wake up one day from that self imposed breakup trance and discover that it was all a big joke - Oh the self imposed boundaries - You will laugh out loud at yourself, for being so silly to have allowed yourself to wallow in those emotions of a break up for so long.
I know... right now you are devastated emotionally. Probably plunged in to a financial crisis, dealing with custodial issues of children or dependants, undergoing drastic changes in your life style and dealing with the pain all alone - Oh the unfairness of it all ... The faster you get over it the better.
I also understand that in a bad breakup, it is not easy to let go of the pain - the totally uncontrollable emotional eruptions in your mind happen without warning and at the most unlikeliest of times. Such emotions seem to have a life of their own and hold you a virtual hostage in your own world.
Yes... break ups can be torture - particularly a bad breakup. Your life is turned upside down and inside out. However, a break up is not the end of the world. You still have a long life ahead. So don't just drown it out in misery.
You can regain your personal power - It's not impossible to get over your break up - Check out the tips & strategies described here.
Some of the methods presented here may appear too mundane or commonplace, yet please read through to the end, you will pick up a few nuggets of deep inner wisdom that will change your perspective of your own reality... so read on.
How to Survive a Break up - 10 Sure fire Ways to help you get over a breakup faster...
1. Keep contact with your ex to a minimum.
If possible eliminate it all together- there is no point in maintaining a friendly relationship with your ex , if you no longer have anything in common. He/she is now virtually a stranger... and you keep away from strangers.
2. Don't try to spy on, or talk to neighbors or friends, or try to keep tabs on what your ex is up to, or even go for revenge.
If you do so, it simply shows that you are obsessed with your ex guy or girl, and he/she still has a lot of 'control Power' over you. Shift your focus away from your ex. Simply refuse to think about him or her. You have to get out from under his/her influence as soon as you can. So don't even think about what he or she is doing. That is not your problem anymore. Just like you would not want to have your activities monitored or spied upon, neither would your ex. And this behavior of keeping tabs smells strongly of jealousy... It can be classified as 'harassment' and could result in violence. Since You're not a control freak or a psychopath and would never resort to violence, so simply erase all thoughts about your 'ex' from your mind.
3. Letting go of a break up - Don't let your emotions control you ...
You control your emotions... I know this can be a tough cookie to crack, particularly when every waking moment, you discover that your mind has a will of its own and simply starts wandering over to thoughts of your ex... it apparently seems beyond your control ... you find your thoughts stuck in cycles about your ex...
Don't get bogged down in cycles of jealousy, anger, hatred, etc...
You have to become watchful of your thoughts and eliminate them as soon as you notice them. Some spiritual techniques for dealing with your thoughts are described in the following article: Coping With a Break Up.
Self hypnosis is also a good solution to deal with break up issues. You can check out Self Hypnosis Mp3's for Dealing With break up Issues... (such as forgiveness, jealousy, getting over your ex, anger management and lots more)
4. Now you have to concentrate on re-building your life with self confidence and self esteem
If you are financially constrained, your first thoughts to get over the break up , should be to get back on your 'financial feet'... you may need to get a job, or if you already have one, you may have to figure out ways of either improving your income or managing your finances better.
Here instead of just forging ahead, I will advise you to sit down and do some real planning, since you are already undergoing major changes in your life, plan your moves well. At this point it will be a good idea to check out Re-gain Your Self Respect, Self Confidence & Self Esteem even if you don't get them at this time, it might give you some pointers along the lines you may want to improve yourself.
5. Next, you need to strengthen your network of supportive friends to help you get over the break-up fast
Reconnect with your old friends or go out and find some new ones. Spending some quality time with friends will help you to get over a break up much faster. Though remember, positive friends will work better for you than negative types. So be selective in whom you chose to spend time with. Concentrate on friends who are mutually supportive and uplifting.
6. Also here is a bit of relationship advice: Don't let the fear of loneliness push you into a new relationship right away, or don't let it even rebound you back into the arms of your ex.
Handle your fears positively. Remember that they are nothing more than a thought in your mind, and can be controlled by you. Take charge of your relationships or even stay away from an emotional involvement with someone, until you have gotten over your current break up.
Don't feel hopeless that you won't be able to get someone else to share your life with in the future. The world is full of wonderful people and you will be divinely directed to your true soul mate, once you are able to get out of the influence of your ex boyfriend or girlfriend and able to connect with your true divine self.
7. Slowly start getting out of the habits and feelings of codependency that you might have acquired with your ex partner.
You need to start getting more independent, build up your self esteem, become confident and start doing all your things independently. Start appreciating yourself more. Start taking better care of yourself both physically as well as emotionally. Remember that you can love someone only to the extent that you can love yourself. If you don't care about yourself, you can never care about anyone else... and then the relationship always fails. Because your relationship was a good reflection of your own fears and limitations. You were seeking from your partner the strength, confidence and support that you found missing in yourself. Why not focus on cultivating all those missing elements in your personal self, rather than looking for them outside of yourself? Here if you need help, you can use Re-gain Your Self Respect, Self Confidence & Self Esteem.
8. You have just received a second chance to 'start over' - Consider yourself a very lucky man or woman - a lot of people don't get a second chance in life.
So don't just throw away your days in lamenting or even merry making. Don't relegate yourself to a mediocre life... this is your chance to find your passion in life - find what you really want to do, and make plans, set goals to start working towards your dream life. This time around, live your life the way you want it, not the way other's want it. So find what you want to do and do it.
9. Just like you are often advised to learn from your mistakes, a break up is a mistake -- a life lesson -- learn from it.
Even though you are going to forgive and let go of all your past experiences, you are not going to forget -- you are just going to remember them without the pain or emotional baggage -- with a sense of detachment -- As time goes on, you will be able to reflect upon it with detachment, and learn from it.
What does it tell you about your own attitude?
What does it tell you about how you deal with others?
What does it tell you about your likes and dislikes in the relationship?
What could you do better next time?
What would you like to avoid all together?
How have you grown from this?
What changes would you like to see in yourself?
Even if you don't think about all the angles of your relationship consciously. You have for sure learned a few things that are going to come back to you from time to time. Such life lessons are for learning so that history does not repeat itself in your future.
10. Keep doing the best you can. Keep working on improving yourself and achieving your dreams. Go get a Life!
Don't ever look back. And remember, that living well is the best revenge you can have on your ex. So go and live the best possible life you can. A life spent bemoaning your fate, complaining about the unfairness of things or crying over a lost relationship is a wasted life. It soon stagnates and virtually 'dies'. To continue living successfully you have to keep moving positively forward. Try new things. take up creative hobbies. Challenge yourself to come up with some adventurous dreams and goals and launch yourself forward with passion. Yes, I dare you to live your life with passion. For at the end, a life well lived is all that matters. Everything else are simply forgotten memories.
11. This is the ultimate (Final) technique for getting over a break up - You Won't find anything better anywhere else -
After you have tried everything else described above and you still feel that you cannot really bring yourself to get over those painful relationship memories. This is the ultimate technique, there is nothing else after this. Unless of course if science comes up with some other greater technology or invention, which will not happen in the near future. And since you don't really want to wait that long, so here goes:
Understand that your brain cannot think two things at the same moment. That's the way that it has been designed by the great creator. So if you can engage your mind in something that totally engrosses you, you can successfully distract it away from those unwanted memories. Once you are able to do that successfully even for a moment, then build upon it. With sufficient practice, you will find your mind does not go back to those unwanted memories. Even if you do have a momentary flashback, you will be surprised to discover that it has lost its hold over you. You can view it with disinterest or without emotional pain and attachment.
This can be achieved in several ways... using NLP techniques, deep meditation, brain training etc.