Back to the dawn of human existence...Before men started peeing on toilet seats, they were probably mis-aiming at a hole in the ground.

I've decided that it's not entirely the man's fault that he pees on toilet seats. I think his equipment is much to blame. In potty training my little boy, I learned that it takes a second for the arc to reach its peak and for the stream to reach its destination. In the meantime the potty rim gets piddled on.

I also remember some banter between ParaTed2k &  BluDev where I learned that it's physiologically necessary for a man to stand in order to empty his bladder. Therefore, sitting down is not a viable solution to the peeing-on-the-seat problem.

I further concede that in that urgent moment before they relieve their bladders, the last thing that enters their minds is to lift the toilet lid for someone else's later convenience. I can empathize with that.

So I've decided, as a woman who prefers to find a dry toilet seat in my own moments of urgency, that when I'm done with my business, I'll go unpainfully out of my way to raise the seat. That way when one of the boys rushes to the toilet, they can do their thing without having to lift the rim (although they wouldn't have done it anyway), and better yet, without having any opportunity to pee on the seat at all. Believe me when I say it's horribly annoying, disgusting, and inconvenient to arrive at the toilet in a hurry, only to discover I have to clean the toilet before I sit on it, meanwhile running the risk of wetting myself. You know, when ya really gotta go, and being so close but so far away from the toilet makes those last few seconds nearly unbearable.

In short, instead of whining about piddles on the seat, I'll just lift the lid for them. If I can remember to do that. Then I'll have the liberty of cleaning up their thoughtless messes under the seat at my own convenience.

But can't you already see my boys retaliating in advance by rushing around the house to put all the toilet lids back down just to miff me? I am so easily miffed. Maybe they get some sort of sick entertainment out of it.

Now if only we could get one of those automatic flushers...

And a maid...

And a guy to stand outside the bathroom to remind them to wash their hands, offering them a warm, dry towel upon exiting the bathroom.