I just feel like I have no control or authority over my kids
In this instance I don't believe it has to do with your control. You must be overwhelmed handling all this on your own. But you aren't alone in this problem. My husband assures me the greasy/uncombed hair is a phase all boys go through if their parents allow it.
This is an on-going battle in our house for the last year. I get so worked up about the hair issue my husband told me he'd handle it. I agreed.
Do you know how he chose to handle it?
Ignore it. Let natural consequences be the instructor. I almost lost my mind several times because ignoring it isn't handling it imo.
Do you know what that meant? It meant Hunter's bangs were past his CHIN for almost a year, and he doesn't ever wash it well, so it was greasy too, add to that the gross smells that come with puberty and I think you get the picture. Oh, and he refuses to part it at all, he combs it from the crown straight down into his face. Even his teachers commented on how bad his hair looked always in his eyes.
When his dad left town I took him in for a "trim" tho he ran his mouth the entire time about it. I couldn't get it "cut" because he and his dad had an agreement, but I could manage a trim without it stepping on Dad's toes.
I used the old, "You look like a scumbag! Do you want people to think you're a scumbag?"
And he used the old, "Didn't you raise me to be my own person and not care what other people think? To make my own decisions and live with the consequences?"
Grrrr.
He's not into "fine lines" yet, so debating it is like talking to a brick wall.
So every time I took him for a trim last year I had them wash his hair really well. It looks better and I know it has to feel better. After a few trips he admitted he could tell a big difference when he washed it and when they did.
So yesterday FINALLY a break thru. I took them both for haircuts. I told Hunter he could keep his bangs long, but not in his eyes. He didn't even fight me that much, grumbled, but I think maybe he saw a bunch of kids yesterday on the first day of school with nice neat hair cuts and decided, hey maybe it ain't so bad.
Now he looks so handsome! I can see his face! He looks much older tho, not to sure about that..heh.
So don't sweat it mama, they will eventually learn to comb it. I really hope this sticks with Hunter and this phase is over. As for the teachers thinking their scumbags. I hold out hope that most women/men in the field teaching this age group understands it since they see it year in and year out.
Also, my husband's dad forced them to get burrs their entire lives. It causes a lot of anger and angst with boys when they get to a certain age and don't even have control over how they wear their hair.
We say "Grow up." But them don't let them make little choices like this, even when they make the wrong ones.
That is why my husband said let it play out. He was a the other end of forced haircuts.
You're doing a fabulous job with your kids. The older mine get the less "control" and influence I feel I have over them. But then, that' s the whole point of raising them isn't it? To let go a little bit at a time?
Disrespect tho. I'd squash that hard and brutal.
