okay. so i admit that i am single. there is nothing wrong with being single. especially when your friends are in not so fabulous relationships. i am not talking about a relationship with occasional fights/arguments. that is to be expected, if not required for a healthy relationship. i am talking about my friends with their "i might as well settle" and "but i loved him/her" relationships. i am a little depressed at times when i think that i might be single for the rest of my life, but i am also comforted by the fact that i believe i can survive on my own, without a constant intimate relationship. why my friends seem to think that they need someone, is beyond me.
perhaps i just feel a little jaded. i thought that i had found someone so wonderful, that i thought i could commit to. the only problem with him was that i don't think he even knew i existed. not that i never took a chance to tell him how i felt about him. i expressed to him my feelings, the best way i knew how. openly and honestly. and what was the response i received from him? echo...echo... i swear he was polly my fucking parrot. anytime i opened up to him and told him how i felt (which is no easy task for me), the best he could do was repeat the exact thing i had said to him. how is that for love? well, time has passed, and i am no longer torturing myself with the "what did i do wrongs?". i am happy to not be with him or anyone... for now.
i must make it clear that i respect my friends' relationships. i am happy they have "found someone". i have to be honest here, after all, it is MY blog and i am expressing MY opinions. i don't understand why my friend took her cheating fiance back. personally, i believe that when you are in a committed relationship, and are looking to take it a step further, there is a certain level of fidelity that must be maintained. i understand no one is perfect. even i have broken the fidelity thing. i reason it this way. i cheated on a boyfriend. hell, i even slept with a married man (for this i am truly guilty and remorseful). however i was not trying to establish new relationships. and while cheating is never right, taking every precaution to not get caught (i didn't) is a MUST. in my book, if i was dating (or engaged to) someone and they had sex with another (but no relationship was established) i might forgive them. i would be pissed as hell if someone cheated on me, but if they did it because they were seeking something that i couldn't or wouldn't provide for them, then i would be happy to either accomodate them, or let them go. now if my significant other was cheating on me, and they were establishing a relationship with another, i would be more hurt. more for the dishonesty than anything. and it makes you doubt your self-worth. asking yourself "what does she do that i don't?" and "why does he want to be with her and not me?"
so of course it is fucked up that my friend's fiance cheated on her. what is worse is that the bastard was practically in a relationship with another woman. sure there was no sex (that we know of), but that doesn't make it anymore right! and the topper? SHE TOOK THE BASTARD BACK! while they were separated, she was convinced that he would be the only man that she would ever love. if things didn't work out, she vowed to never open herself up to anyone again. what kind of nonsense is that? she and the bastard are working things out now. i just want my friend to be happy. even if it means being with a lying, cheating, no-good, trifling, worthless bastard. he might be able to make something of himself if he got his priorities straight. but honestly, i believe that he went back to my friend because the other woman wasn't willing to put up with his trifling ways. AND I DON'T BLAME HER! so i am hoping that this works out. for my friend's sake, and my own.
on to the next friend. i haven't gotten so desperate yet that i have started to settle. i refuse to be with anyone who is not for me. period. the end. so my friend is engaged to a man that she won't have sex with. now i am not trying to get into her bedroom business, but when you are engaged to someone, you should be in love with them. if you are in love with them,
you should be willing to work out the problems. so maybe she doesn't like sex. i can understand that. but she acts like she enjoys withholding sex from him. i truly believe (since he is her first boyfriend, EVER) that she just settled for the first guy she has ever dated. they are quite a cute couple, they do have a lot in common. perhaps her "type" was just a superficial dream of a man, and she has finally come down to reality. whatever is her situation, i just hope she is not marrying him out of the fear of being alone. for that is plain wrong... there is no way around it. as JayZ says, "what more can i say?".
i can say this much. i am still single, and doubting whether or not i will ever settle down and commit to one person. the former one broke it off saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship, and i believe the same goes for me. i am just not ready. not right now. maybe never!
