its really amazing how so many people view me. Most see me as a happy-go-lucky, super hyper, ball of energy, that cant POSSIBLY be depressed, or sad, or angry- shes too busy being happy. What makes it worse, is that most people expect me to be that way all the time! do you know how exhausting it is to put on a happy face and fake being happy for about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? its really bad! now, you might be asking, why does everyone expect you to be that way? well, its not like they come up to me and are like " why arent you playing your role??", but more like if i am unhappy for even 10 minutes, people come up to me like the world has just blown up, and are like " whats WRONG? are you okay?" Im FINE people!! im being myself for a second.
but, not everyone sees me as a super-optimist. When im at home, im the exact opposite. I have to admit, im moody, and bitchy (when people dont leave me alone), and a lot of the time im depressed because of my relationship with my mom. Then, monday morning, im forced to turn my act around for the week , although i feel like shit, otherwise i have to endure interrogations. it SUCKs, people!
Lol! sometimes its like: just back off for 20 minutes, and ill be okay. haha just let me be myself!... whatever that is... because im not really happy all the time, but im not super depressed all the time... but the only time theres a happy medium is when im asleep, apparently . haha.... so who am i? Am not the happy chick, im not the depressed chick... but im never the balanced- chick....
BLAH.
