Is it unfair to you, if I say I want to date other people? It it unfair if we're falling for each other even if it's not the right thing? It it unfair if the relationship is lopsided; if one person is feeling love and the other knows it will end sometime? It is unfair to say I can't fall in love with you because I won't let myself? Is it unfair to keep it going when we're this far in? It is going to hurt in the end? Hell yeah, it will. Are we going to get over it? I'm guessing we will. I want you, but what if I don't always?
Don't give up your dreams and aspirations for me. Don't fall for me. Let's keep it simple, casual. Let's be together right now, but not let our emotions get away on us. Let's cherish each other but not get too serious. Let's not give away our hearts.
There won't ever be another like you, and even writing all this isn't easy. You know me so well, and sometimes I wish you didn't. Will it be worth it, or will we be suffocated the deeper into the ocean we dive?
You're amazing, and you know how I feel about you. There'll always be a place in my heart for you, but I've gotta think with my head, not always with my heart. If I don't love you, it's not because I can't or don't want to, it's because my head won't let me, it's because I want to guard my heart.
I love it when you're serious, but hate it when you look sad. It makes me crazy how this all works... how I work. It drives me nuts the way relationships go... the way I am.
I want to be with you, but is it unfair if we're on different levels? Is it unfair for two people to feel differently? Is it wrong that I'm scared to let it all go? Does it freak you out how I cry because I'm so scared? How much I like you. It freaks me out. Maybe I'm just in over my head, maybe we both are.
Why does it have to progress? Why can't we just be like we used to be? Part of me wants to press on, and dive deeper, but I don't know if I have breath left. I'm not sure if I'll be able to breathe. I'm just confused... but that's nothing new. If I could figure MYSELF out, that might help.
Is all this unfair, or realistic? Is it unfair to you, does it feel like I'm leading you on? Do you understand this at all? Don't give up what you want to do because you want to be with me. For real, just don't. It scares me, and I'm so not ready for it. I'm not ready to hear you say big things like that. (i.e. "If we're still together after I graduate, and you don't want me to into the Army (which he's always planned to do), I won't") And, is it unfair, if I never am?
~Me
Sarah
sidenote: wow, this sounded really sappy or something. hmm....
