foreverserenity

Join Date 06/2004

+76

Are Successful Adults Socially Obligated to Have Children?

Couples are choosing not to have children

This morning on Good Morning America they mentioned a report they did about many couples today who are getting married are not planning to have children. Many feel this is not their focus or a priority and so they are not having children, they ‘choose to be child-free’ as the report said.

Forget about succesful adults, everyone seems to be thinking the same way these days. They do not want to have children! It seems to be the choice of a lot of young women and couples that I know personally as well. In fact, a friend and I, she’s 24 were having this conversation just the other day. She doesn’t want children and don’t factor them into her life plan. I told her not to feel bad saying that to me, I won’t judge her, and that I can understand why she wouldn’t want to have kids.

The GMA report mentioned a recent survey that was done by the Pew Research Center that find quite a lot of people who think that having children in a marriage is unimportant and not a priority, and many who think that children do not make a successful marriage.

Some feel that if they do have children then they, the couple in the relationship, won’t be the focus of their union and they won’t have time to devote to each other. The children would become the priority of their marriage. They also wouldn’t have time to do anything else because they would be spending time to take care of their children.

Where my friend is concerned, she said she just doesn’t have the patience to deal with kids. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, has nephews and nieces and she has been around them, they often have them over for a day or a weekend and that experience confirmed for her that she would not be a good mother.

We laughed together at her decision and I told her yes, being mommy requires a lot of patience but that alone shouldn’t really tell her she wouldn’t be a good mom because she’s a nice person and I’ve seen her around my youngest, albeit I do see the bout of impatience on the surface! At the end of the day it’s her choice and I’m not judging her as I do see her point.

For some people, it’s because having children is very expensive, although those of us who do have children, didn’t look at it in that way (and maybe if we had we wouldn’t have any now)! Also, there are those couples who are very capable financially, and have very successful careers, but are too busy living their lives instead of having children who would get in the way of their lifestyle. There are also those couples who are unable to have children even though they might want to, and some do give up trying, unless they decide to adopt.

Many of us will think or say that these people are selfish because we can’t imagine not having children. How can a couple, married, in love, happy, not want to have children? Especially if they are financially stable! It’s beyond our understanding! However, if we should look at some of the reasons, because not everyone is wealthy and/or successful, the expenses in more ways than we can count; the cost of healthcare and dental care; education; and the major change in lifestyle, that’s quite a lot of reasons why some don’t think they should be bothered with children. The fact that to take time off from work, if the mom (or dad) is unable to stay home full-time, the effects that can have on their jobs, especially if there is no flex time or understanding boss or supervisor, that alone in itself makes it very difficult! There are other countries that make being a parent a priority, so much more than is done here in the United States. Why only within the last couple of years have women been able to take time off with pay (and some without) to go on maternity leave. Not to mention the many people who think that having children around is a nuisance and an annoyance when I think about the incidents recently and of others in the past, because of children traveling with their parents.

With all that, why should someone who ‘have the whole world at their feet’ can you blame them if they chose not to have kids? Can you blame those who are affluent and too busy living their lives and feel that a child would be an interruption, so they choose not to have any? It’s not that they hate children; it’s just the inconvenience of it! It’s their choice and that’s good for them!

I’ve thought about it and asked myself if I had the chance to do it all over again, would I have children? Yes, I would, maybe a lot earlier than I did, meaning there would be a lot less years between them! It’s so much easier when the kids are closer in age, say, only a year or three apart. But otherwise, I wouldn’t change one thing, even with all the growing pains! And that dear reader is the perfect choice for me!

Link

parenting

Locked Post

Advanced Search

Watch this post

Do not email me updates for this post Email me updates for this post

Successfully updated karma reason!

Choosing not to have children is one thing, but many of these people look down on people who DO have children, especially those who have many. I kindly remind them my children will be funding their retirements because they didn't care to build for the future.

Ain't I a jerk, though? LOL!

Successfully updated karma reason!

I think it's fine to not have children. I think the major reason is that the focus of the relationship will shift off of themselves, not the relationship. People who can't take the shift of focus off themselves shouldn't have kids, because yeah, they do get focused on. But it gives you a lot more things to talk about with your SO. You get to learn more about them with kids. How a person deals with a kid is the real them, I think.

Successfully updated karma reason!

There are too many people having children who don't want them and therefore don't take care of them. I would much rather someone choose not to have children than to have them and then neglect them. The important thing is that we all respect each others' decisions.

Of course there is always the chance that we will reach a declining populations growth...but I'm pretty sure we have a ways to go.

Successfully updated karma reason!

That's ok, I'll have enough children to make up for all these successful childless adults. Haha.

I think some people just aren't cut out for raising children and it's wise for those people to recognize that. I enjoy my crazy children and I think I would be sad and lonely without them, but I don't hate on people who choose not to have any.

Successfully updated karma reason!

I don't think that it ever crossed my mind that people would judge me for being childless -- I mean, how is it anyone's business but my own?

I kindly remind them my children will be funding their retirements because they didn't care to build for the future.

I'd happily keep all of my SS money and investment it myself so your children don't need to be "burdened" by me. I sure as heck pay a lot more into it then I will ever get out of it. (And Gid, if you want to talk about superiority, look at the assumptions here that all childless people are selfish -- if that doesn't smack of superiority, than I'm not sure what does).

Successfully updated karma reason!

Hehe, Meg, you're living my glamorous childless life. I have a condo and a career and snazzy work clothes vicariously through you.

Successfully updated karma reason!

Tex--what I wouldn't give for a week of jeans and t-shirts. I would not be sad if I never had to wear another suit again... Grass is greener and all that, eh?

PS. Not to hijack, but did Adrian ever get the girl scout cookies?

Successfully updated karma reason!

(And Gid, if you want to talk about superiority, look at the assumptions here that all childless people are selfish -- if that doesn't smack of superiority, than I'm not sure what does).

Oh absolutely.

The way I see it, whatever floats your boat. Want children? Have them, enjoy them, take care of them. Don't want children? Enjoy your life anyway.

I'm just saying I've seen the other side of the fence.

Successfully updated karma reason!

My apologies for taking so long to respond, mommy stuff!

but many of these people look down on people who DO have children, especially those who have many

I agree Gid, only because I've met some of those people. But one thing I will say is that I've also met a few nice ones who really genuinely enjoy having kids around but not to take them home!

I kindly remind them my children will be funding their retirements because they didn't care to build for the future.Ain't I a jerk, though?

Not if it gives you some satisfaction which is does by the sound of it!

! Only those who didn't save a penny though would care.

People who can't take the shift of focus off themselves shouldn't have kids,

Agreed Jythier!

How a person deals with a kid is the real them, I think.

Agreed again!

There are too many people having children who don't want them and therefore don't take care of them

Yes Straniera, this is true too unfortunately!

Of course there is always the chance that we will reach a declining populations growth...but I'm pretty sure we have a ways to go.

I thought about that and hope for our sakes not! Although with all the migration from other countries, especially the latin ones, I don't think we have to worry!

That's ok, I'll have enough children to make up for all these successful childless adults. Haha

I think some people just aren't cut out for raising children and it's wise for those people to recognize that.

True! I have a few friends, older and younger who chose not to and I don't blame them for it!

I would be sad and lonely without them,

That's the darn truth right there Tex! I'm so used to having my kids around me, now that my oldest isn't around us much anymore I feel like I've lost an arm!

I don't think that it ever crossed my mind that people would judge me for being childless -- I mean, how is it anyone's business but my own?

I know Shades, but some people make it there business.

I sure as heck pay a lot more into it then I will ever get out of it.

That is true, we all do and won't get much, if anything from it!

Hehe, Meg, you're living my glamorous childless life. I have a condo and a career and snazzy work clothes

You go girl!

I would not be sad if I never had to wear another suit again

Believe me you won't!

Have them, enjoy them, take care of them. Don't want children? Enjoy your life anyway.

That's right! It's a free country and we can each do whatever the heck we want!

Successfully updated karma reason!

I totally support couple not having children if they do not want them. As others indicated, there are too many that have them and should not!

Like you, I cannot imagine not having any. But then that is me, and not everyone is the same.

Successfully updated karma reason!

But then that is me, and not everyone is the same.

Exactly!

Successfully updated karma reason!

The term "socially obligated" smacks of socialist oppression.

Successfully updated karma reason!

The term "socially obligated" smacks of socialist oppression.

It depends on how you look at it skyjack. Thx for stopping by.

Successfully updated karma reason!