Today was one of those days, and I'm very thankful that it was just one day. A recent article reminded me of many things that I'd written over the years, and as I'd planned to start posting some of my old material again anyway, here are a couple that I thought were indicative of what I was feeling at the time.
Depression (from jr yr/hs)
Depression is a friend of mine. The first time I met Depression was a few years ago when Confidence and I stopped talking. He likes to stay with me when he's in town, and he says it's because "misery loves company". Usually when he's planning on staying for awhile he beings me a bottle as a gift to thank me for letting him stay. Depression is a terrible house guest. He comes by when he's not invited, and doesn't even let me know until he gets there. He doesn't want me to have to do any work when he visits, but he's not the type of person to volunteer for the job himself. Worst of all, Depression never wants to leave and it's almost impossible to get him to go on his own volition. When he visits, he follows me everywhere I go and tries very hard to monopolize my time. He's very jealous of my other friends, especially Confidence and Courage, and does whatever he can to come between us. Depression loves to stop by when my neighbors Faith and Hope are there, because he glories in terrifying people. He knows they are so afraid of him that they leave when he's there and then they won't come back until he's gone. Sometimes when he stays for an especially long time, I begin to feel like he's my shadow. After he's been so much like a part of me, when he leaves it almost feels as if I'm missing something.
Depression is well-traveled and very intelligent. He has met just about everyone at one time or another, but often people don't realize it because he is a master of disguises and they don't always recognize him for who he is. He knows how to make things more attractive that shouldn't be, and also how to keep people from doing the things that they have to do. He has such a complicated personality that only someone who has studied psychology could really understand him. He is such a persuasive orator that it would take the clearest logic from the greatest debater ever to pull the listeners from his grips. If anyone has ever encountered one of his siblings, Confusion, Lonliness, and Despair, they either realize their mistake and turn back the way came, or they ask to meet their brother, and end up with an unwanted houseguest that just won't leave.
untitled, undated poem from sometime in high school
The world around me has gone dark
There are no lights left to guide my way
My body shivers from the cold I feel inside
I grow weary as I near the end of my day
The early morning of my life I enjoyed so innocently
But now it seems dusk has come early and soon it will be total darkness
I wander these lonely streets as twilight encroaches
And the lights that are my hopes have all been extinguished by my despair
I know now that full darkness is coming for me prematurely
But I wait for his comforting embrace with readiness and acceptance of what must be
It's not as if I've searched for the night
It crept upon me with stealth and quickly hid the light from my eyes
It won't be my finger on the trigger or my hand holding the blade
But it will be my idea, and done upon my whim
I know that I shouldn't think like this
"I'm too young to welcome night"
But I cannot help the way I feel
And I can't shake off the feeling that I've lost
My hold on the thin string of my sanity is slipping.....
