Yeah, Doc, it sucked. It still sucks. I wish I had told him. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't lost the baby. It didn't occur to me at the time that I was going to have to tell him eventually. I didn't think about it. I couldn't think about much, to be honest. I wasn't exactly working on all four cylinders.

Would there have been any point in telling him later, after I lost the baby and he felt that his world was "still upside down"?

I honestly thought I was doing it for his own good. I thought he could handle it later, and then there was no point later.

However, to get to legal matters and away from personal ones: In my state, a husband has to have his wife's permission to get a vasectomy, but a wife does not need her husband's permission to have an abortion. I agree that something's definitely not right here.

SHE, sorry for my rant. Long story, and tender to me. ANd one I still suffer from today.

But should you? If you ask me, yes. 23 of those chromozones where his. I would want to know. Even if I could do nothing.

But again, sorry I ranted. I know it was a tough decision for you. In the end, what you did is what you will live with. And I know you are suffering with the debate of it.

My opinion? Depends on if this man still means something to you.

You SHOULD have told him back when you were pregnant. But that's neither here nor there, and what's done is done. If you plan on a continued relationship with him, I think you ought to tell him. For some reason, I think he'll understand why you left the information out.

If he's just a ship in the night and there's no more relationship between you too, I don't see any reason to bring it up. You didn't have an abortion, the pregnancy self terminated, so bringing it up would just be opening old wounds.

That's just my two cents, though. If you ask me, ya overpaid!

We were going to get married. There was definitely a relationship there. Then he broke up with me before I could tell him that I was pregnant. Now, after lying to me, betraying me, and falling in love with someone else, I don't even speak to him.

So, while there was a relationship, there will be no future relationship. Telling him now is out of the question. It just won't happen. He probably wouldn't take my call anyway, and e-mail just seems to be the wrong way to do this. And, to be honest, I don't know that I would want to call him right now anyway.

Don't ask me why I felt the need to post this. I'm not sure myself anymore. Just needed to get it off my chest, I guess. Now that I have, I feel like I'm just making excuses to justify my actions.

God, I feel like a bitch.

Good for you that you could and did share this. You have my support and respect.

Thanks. That means a lot to me.



I feel like a bitch because I'm making excuses. I do think he would want to know, though I think I was right to wait until he was more stable to tell him. (Though, again, I hadn't thought about what to tell him if I hadn't lost it) There was time and opportunity to tell him later, and I thought about doing it all the time. I just chickened out. That's the truth of it, I suppose. I just chickened out. I couldn't tell him because I was afraid he would be mad that I hadn't told him sooner.

Funny how I can discover things about myself while writing. Maybe I should change my screen name to "Bitch Chicken".

My first thought was at least you didn't have to decide. As sad as this story is, I think making a choice (either way) about the baby, and then living with the results would bring much deeper sorrow.

I am sorry you had to go through this. Now I'm putting on my mom hat...Please don't have unprotected sex SHE. Come on. You are way to smart for that.

I do understand now WHY this relationship meant so much to you. Your first pregnancy, well you'll never forget this guy. But thank God you aren't saddled with him as a husband or the father of your child for the rest of your life. Chances are he'd still be right where he is(with another woman)...if not right away, eventually.

You may think this is horrible and your heart is his...but from the outside looking in...whew..girl, you got out of this one by the skin of your teeth.

RUN!

You are too right. I feel very lucky whenever I think about how my life could have been. I may be pro-choice, but I don't know if I could have gone through it, or lived with myself afterwards.



*hanging head in shame* I know. We were sooooo stupid. It wasn't a regular practice with us, and I always thought people were full of crap when they complained that "it just happened". Now that I have learned my lesson, I promise to never be such an idiot again.



I finally realized that I didn't love him, I loved who I thought he was. That man, the man who left me a rose and a card on my windshield, the one who said he wanted to be my husband, was not the same man that got up and went to work every day. I was in love with the dream of who I thought he was, not who he really was. I also doubt that he ever knew me. I don't think he's an evil person or anything, he just isn't who he made himself out to be. (or who I made myself believe he was)

My heart is whole, and is mine. It's taken some time, but don't all wounds? And, being Queen of the Klutz People, I know a thing or two about healing wounds. I am so glad that we didn't keep fooling ourselves and end up married. It would have been awful. I learned from him, I learned from the mistakes and the good things. But you're right, I got lucky this time. And there won't be a next time, I've promised myself that. Sure, part of me will always love him, but not as I once did. And I'm finally ok with that.

I should be. I graduate in May.

I don't have much to add, because it's all been said already...but I wanted to iriterate, I'm sorry you had to experience this. Hugs!

Thanks. I'm doing fine with just me. It just bothered me that I never told him, and I felt like I had to tell someone.

It's been helpful to get both sides on this. I appreciate all of you for commenting. And I do mean all of you.

That's what I thought at the time. I just didn't think he needed one more serious thing in his life at the moment. I thought he needed me to be a drama-free zone. I was his escape. It seemed cruel to take that away from him, even though it may be just as wrong to keep the information from him.



Yeah, though it could have been worse. I was lucky... most women aren't.