I fall in love all the time. Some might think it's strange... I believe in love at first sight, but that's not what I'm talking about.
I mean, I love everyone, or at least I start off in that direction. The whole Christian upbringing bit, and the minor born-again Catholic thing I am/was going through. But...
Man, I've been lonely. And it's been working for me, mostly. I'm taking time to focus myself and my energies in positive directions, constantly reminding to ensure I "know myself and seek self-improvement." But the loneliness has seemed to prompt me into feelings that I've only felt glimmers of in past years.
I keep getting these crushes on, not exactly unattainable, but ... inaccessible? ... women. Geographic distance, busy schedules, other things... all situated to get in the way automatically. Defense mechanism? I remember someone close to me went through a phase similar to this, chasing after unavailable women, continuing through non-long-term relationships that would eventually and inevitably end.
Am I relegated to that now? I haven't even started the chase! And a large part of me doesn't even want to. I'm still not sure I'm ready for the game. But regardless we're all playing it whether we want to or not.
So it goes.
