August,
first of all was it not you who said that it would be better for all of us if I moved out? Was that not what you said? You know why I hang out with dad sooo much is because he thinks that all of you hate him because you guys rarely called him after he had his surgery. Why don't you guys not say things like it will be better for our relationship, it will be better for mom, it will bebetter for dad. If it is going to make all of you guys happier than how do you not expect me to go with it!!!!! Especially when you guys corner me in the apartment like that, all I wanted to do was to get up and drive away and never come back!!!!!!!! You cant act like I am pathetic for feeling like this, it is not like you have not done things that you did not want to because you thought that it would be better for the rest of us!
Aloha

Do you guys think that you are not going to fight with mom alot too! You dont want living with such an ass hole, but what about me? I wasnt mad, I was just hurt that you guys did it at the apartment when I had no where to go!!! Tell me one thing that I have done that was not to make everyone else happy, because I can not think of one thing! I am sorry that I do not freak out in front of dad, I will make sure that I do that more often so that he sees all of me. Because he always sees all of you right!?!
You always act like it is my fault that we are not close anymore
Now you know how I feel, because you always act like the reason that we are not close is my fault. It feels real good when you are told that you are all wrong about something that is important in your life! When I do tell you guys how I feel you guys get mad at me, so either way you guys are mad at me. What the heck do you want me to do? Where did I say that I thought that it was better for us? I am sorry that I lie about sooo much, but it is not like you tell the truth all of the time! Why dont we have a day, or just a time where we rip your life apart. Because I am really tired of constantly being the bad guy, when you have been doing things wrong too!
Aloha

Okay, rip my life apart Elaina. Go for it, if I can dish it, I can certainly handle it. You know what, though, i have not done one thing that should have made you think that our distance was your fault, because honestly I think it was a mutual lacking of time and concern.
"it is not like you tell the truth all of the time"
I try real hard not to lie, and for the most part, everyone knows how I feel and what I think a lot. I don't lie that much, and if I do, it is about stupid things like no you don't look fat in that.
"when you have been doing things wrong too"
What in the world have I done so wrong, please tell me so that I can try to fix it. I don't want us to fight, and I never said that you are constantly the bad guy. And about us always fighting, sometimes it is our fault, sometimes it is yours, so it's not like I am even totally blaming you. And about mom moving in, none of us have really fought with her for a while, and she is really trying hard, and I must say is succeeding, in changing her life. Granted, she hasn't totally changed, but she is doing a lot better than before.
Oh and by the way, you did have somewhere to go at the apartment, in fact, if i remember correctly, you left. Oh that's right.
"Because he always sees all of you right!?! "
And what the hell is this? He does see all of me, because, unlike you, I tell him how I feel about everything. I don't just sit around with him when I am angry at him and act like nothing is wrong. Oh that's right, that's you. You won't tell him how mad you are the Jessica is not your friend anymore. You won't tell him how mad you are that you couldn't see him for a while. You won't tell him how mad you are that things changed with Uncle Ed because of all the shit that he did. But I did, and still do. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and especially not me, because he definitely has no right to judge me, and niether does anyone else. The only one who can judge anything is God, and all we can do is let people know how we really feel about all of everything that they do. And right now, I am mad at you. I don't understand why you can say all of this online but not to my face. Whenever I try to discuss this stuff with you, you just clam up and get quiet, and nothing can be solved that way. I love you, and I want things to be okay, but I don't know where to go from here.
Augie

Thank you Gideon, you are an amazing guy and mabye one day we can meet in person. I really love that you are so caring. You are definitly one in a million. Thanks!
Aloha

Lainy,

I'm so so sorry, Love.  You can still come down, you just won't have anywhere to stay.  lol

Go swimming, sit in the sun, listen to music (for God's sake, even country), paint, write, love, laugh, sing in the shower.

Be happy.  Contrary to popular opinion, it's not that difficult.

I love you so, Laina.  My heart goes out to you, and I wish your family understood you more than they are conveying on here.

I do.

Trinitie

August, I dont care anymore, because there is nothing we can say that is going to go back in time and change any of this. And I am not going to rip your life apart because I know that it feels like shit when you are told that the majoruty of what you have done is wrong, and how much it has hurt everyone in your life! But when you are ready to talk in person/ on the phone you know where I live, and I am ready.
Aloha

oh...and by the way....i never said that i understand you....rather....i don't understand you, and that seems to be the biggest problem. i know that you and i already talked about that, but i thought some of your readers might like to know that. love ya!
augie <