Recently, the company command decided to conduct a 100% urinalysis during regular PT time. I was called in for what would be an (unfortunately) memorable experience; I was tasked to be an "observer."
Now, I think this is the first time in my brief career as an NCO that I had received this assignment. I second guess myself now, because I may have indeed performed this duty in the past, and simply COMPLETELY BLOCKED IT OUT OF MY MIND to protect my sanity. For now, as I cannot block out the events of that morning, I question my sanity at this moment...
I rattle off the statement to each soldier as I take them individually to the "Latrine Of Limits." (Someone forgot to spell check the Word file when making the signs.) "I need to see the cup at all times, and I need to see the urine enter the cup."
The short briefing that I had to read for myself was accurate: it stated that no one enjoys this, either those watched, or the watchers. I believe it is so (no one I watched seemed to overly enjoy it, to my knowledge).
I try and concentrate on the mundane, so I won't focus on the profane. For example, I kept track of the soldiers who didn't wash their hands after they went. There were two pilots (a Lieutenant and a Chief Warrant Officer 2nd Class), a maintenance soldier (a Specialist) and a linguist (a Sergeant, who I am disappointed in). I made up rules ("Don't stare directly into the penis.") for myself. I tried to keep things light, but I wasn't supposed to joke... some soldiers were already nervous as all hell.
I have never seen so many male genitalia. I'm scarred for life.
