Gideon,
I haven't followed the issues that you are facing for a few days. My life has been busy and I haven't had a chance to get online. Tonight my husband mentioned that Dharma brought up your issues. Before I go and read any threads about CPS and the things that are going on, I want to write a letter to you and to anyone else who hates the system.
I don't know what kind of parent you are. I don't know if your idea of punnishment is grounding a child for a week....or for 3 months. I don't know if you remove the doors in your house and lock the kitchen to "protect" your kids. I don't know if you beat them or hug them. I don't know if you are a good parent or a bad one. I don't know where you draw the line between punishiment and abuse. I don't know anything that you haven't presented to the world through the window of Joeuser. So don't take anything I say personally. Like I said, I dont' know you.
The one thing that you wrote that stuck in my head was how you would do anything in your power to prevent a CPS worker from talking to your child without you being present. That is such a red flag. I want you to see this from the eyes of an abused child and then reconsider your stance.
If my mother was in the room, I was going to say whatever it took to convice you to believe she was wonderful. I would lie so convincingly that you wouldn't have a clue. Trust me....I did, many times and for many years. If my mother wasn't present but was outside the room, I would lie my heart out. She might hear me through the walls. If she didn't know I was talking to you, I might....if I REALLY trusted you....let one tiny little detail slip. That way I could see what would happen. Would you immediately tell my parents what I said? Would you keep my confidence? Whose side were you really on?
The truth is, nobody scared me more than my mother. Not my dad who beat me. Not the kids at school who mocked me for being forced to wear the same outfit to school for 2 weeks straight. Not the social worker who might "take me away". No. My fear was that I would trust someone.....and then they wouldn't take me away.
I don't know if you are a good parent or not, but my mother thought she was. She still thinks she was. I didn't know that normal families dont' make children stand in akward positions for hours untill they fell asleep and fell over. I didn't know that most kids don't worry that mom will wake up and find out that we drank some milk...or talked.....or didn't scrub every inch of the floor with a toothbrush. I didn't know that most kids didn't eat soap or have to smash every possesion as punishment. I didn't know that other kids didn't get locked out of the house. I didn' t know that my childhood was warped until I was in a foster home.
She fought against every invasion of her privacy tooth and nail. She felt justified in the way she raised us and honestly believes she was a wonderful mother...even after numerous counselors, judges and finally, her children told her otherwise.
To the outside world we were a perfect family. Mom, Dad, boy, girl, boy, girl all lined up stair stepped at church. Everyone smiled and was happy. Children were mild mannered and good students. If you didnt' see all the strange things put together, you might not realize something was wrong. This facade continued for too many years because she was so good at manipulating and controlling those around her. Not one of us dared cross her. None of us....my father included....would speak a word against her because she scared us more than anything else. It took years of therapy and thousands of miles before I could really admit to anyone just how bad it was.
If she demanded to be in the room........I never would have said a word.
So, Gideon, you may be a great parent. I hope you are. I hope that everything you say is really the truth and not just what you believe is going on. For your sake and your children's sake, I hope that you are everything that you portray yourself as. But, do you now understand why CPS might ask to talk to your kids alone? If you worry about the truth being warped, ask for a Children's Advocate to be present. But please understand why they ask. It's not to control you or remove your ability to protect your children......it's because there are too many mothers out there who think it's okay to emotionally and physically abuse their children......and don't even see it as anything but love.
Dana
