I promised you details, clues and hidden meanings - and boy do I have them. All kinds of new things to worry and ponder and obsess over for the next few months. Boy - this is going to be a great summer. I've got two months give or take to stew about all of this... and I don't know where I'll be at the end of it all. Probably insane or something incredibly similar.
I went to Geek's house last night. It seemed like everything was close to semi-magic. I don't know how else to describe it. The hand holding, the teasing, the nuzzling when I initially arrived. It felt so warm and comfortable, like it was supposed to be that way. It's not a feeling I'm used to feeling, so I'm really at a loss to describe it. I can say though that it felt wonderful and calm and cozy. It was like I was just in this warm happy little nest, and nothing else really mattered. It was just almost perfect. Easy conversation, easy laughs. It was amazing. The first time he kissed me last night it was this amazingly soft and tenative kiss. It was one of those kisses that make your toes curl a little bit. I have to admit. I peeked during the kiss. I felt like there was something staring at me and I was right. It was Geek. I must have peeked close to a dozen times throughout the night as we kissed, and every time he was looking right at me. Especially the times when he would be holding my face in his hands. Sometimes he would look away, or other times he would close his eyes, but if he had his hands cradling my face or hair, then he was always looking dead into my eyes. And I don't know what I saw there - but whatever it was, it touched me. A lot. It was really beautiful.
We were kissing and hugging and touching for well over 3 hours. We didn't really watch the movie I brought over or anything. We started to, but we just couldn't stop kissing. We kissed each other in places that I haven't thought about kissing in a long time - like finger tips and wrists and such - you perv. There were times when the kisses were soft and gentle and then there were times when Geek started kissing me like I was the only thing left in this world that was keeping him alive. There was some desperation in some of those kisses. I could feel it. Some were so passionate it felt like parts of me were melting from the heat of it all.
We didn't have sex. We did get naked and we did a lot of snuggling and a lot of other things, we didn't have sex. Geek said he didn't want to because he was still mortally terrified after the last time when the condom slipped, saying it felt like a warning from God. I personally believe it was just a warning to use the condom 100% properly next time, but I'm just a little bit silly I suppose. I wish we had because it's going to be the last time I see him before he comes back in August, but maybe it was for the best that we didn't. Either way, best not to do something that makes either one of us uncomfortable. Although, if he kissed me with fiery passion at the prospect of not seeing me for two months, I wonder how he's going to kiss me when we're on the flip side of that time span. How much passion will be there, if any. I'm just so curious as to what the future holds.
I can look back now and see that Neomaster kind of foretold some of this stuff. He did a Tarot reading for me several months ago and it's all starting to fit into place. I'm afraid of doing another reading now because I'm afraid of what other people would see. Hell, I'm afraid of finding out myself at this stage, although I'm almost getting to the point where I can't face not knowing anymore.
I think the biggest shocker of last night is the one that I didn't realize until late today. I think Geek was asking me to spend the night with him. We talked about how we liked to sleep, about the fact that we're both big tossers and turners, that we both have the quirk of talking in our sleep. He asked me while we were snuggling in his bed what time I had to leave and I told him that I didn't need to be home at a specific time seeing as I was going to be alone all night. He made a kind of cute noise and then that was it. A couple of hours later I said that I should probably leave as it was getting late and I was sure that he needed to get some sleep. He got a kind of sad face and said "You don't *have* to go home." I didn't think anything about what he said until I was driving Texas home from our weekly day of girly shopping and hanging out. I was passing a gas station on the outskirts of the town that has the Major College That's Obsessed with Basketball and I just said "Oh shit!" I told Texas what Geek had said and all she could say was that it sounded to her like he was inviting me to spend the night. Biggest oh shit moment of the day for me that's for certain.
I think I'll just go crazy now, plzthx!
Oh, and Ogre just said "It's exactly what he was saying. It's what a guy says if he doesn't want to come right out and say it."
I'll have a double helping of crazy now, with some insanity as a side dish, just in case.
Red pill, blue pill?
Both, and quick.
