Nebraskawoman

Join Date 05/2004

Damned if I do and damned if I don't

have to work because I can't afford to stay home.

I work because I can't afford to stay at home with my kids. When we were a single income family we were barely making it and that was with onlytwo kids. now we have 3 kids and that means more expenses. We are still paying on the hospital bills when she was born because my husbands insurance didn't cover much of it. But now that I'm working we have another income and more bills. I am having to pay for daycare not to mention the $2.20 a gallon to drive to work because I live 30 miles from where I work. Like I said I'm damed if I do work and Damned if I don't. Anyone else feel like they are in this situation now or have been in the past?

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sounds like its time for a good ole 'cost-benefit analysis...'

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yeah. somethings gotta give. Good to see ya around again, Imajinit. I have been wondering where you were.

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My personal take on this?

Your kids are not going to be little forever, and this time you have with them now is precious. Some women just don't have the option of staying home (and some crave a career and need that time out of the house and to have that intellectual challenge, and that may be true for you, I don't know), but most CAN make it work with diligent budgeting, cutting out unnecessary expenses and stretching things out. It's easy to become accustomed to certain standard of living, but a simple life can be very fulfilling.

And as imajinit has suggested, it may turn out that working is costing you nearly all or even more than you're earning. My suggestion is to put serious thought into ways to free up more money from your husband's income so that you can be at home with your children.

Of course, there also ways to earn an extra bit of cash while staying at home, including providing in-home childcare and becoming an independent sales rep for any number of companies.

(I hope this is not offensive, because I certainly don't mean it to be that way)

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I'll just 2nd (or is it 3rd) Imajinit and Texas on this one. You may really have to work, I can't make that call for you, but my experience is that most dual income families really could make it on one, if they really wanted to. Debt is usually the biggest cause of the need for a second income. Your hospital bills may be overwhelming, but please, take Imajinit's advice. Sit down with your husband and figure out what you are actually gaining from working, compared to what it may be costing (and not just monetarily).

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

LW has some great suggestions for you. And what she says about the medical bills is very true. As long as you are making regular payments, there is nothing they can do about it.

I make a decent wage, but if I had to pay for child care, it would be very questionable if it would be worth it. Luckily (very luckily) my parents watch my daughter for me when she is not in school, so I don't have to pay for daycare and I know my daughter is with somebody I trust.

Are all three of your kids in daycare? I am assuming that only one or two of them are. Around here, the cheapest daycare is $20 a day. Latch key is $7 a day. Assuming that you have two kids in daycare and one in latchkey, that is $47 a day, or $235 per week. At 52 weeks, that is $12,220 (after tax unless you are using a Flexible spending account). Take in the cost of gas. For math, we will say that your car gets good mileage and you only use one gallon each way. That is $4.40 per day at the current costs, which ends up $1144 per year. Extra miles = extra car maintenance, which could easily add $1.00 (oil changes, tires, etc.) which is another $260 per year. Add the other costs such as: you probably eat out now and then for lunch, you probably take the kids to the doctor more because daycare kids get exposed to more germs, you have to wash more clothes because you need them for work, etc., and you can easily add another $500.

What does that add up to? $14,124 after tax. That means that you have to make (before tax) close to $20,000 per year just to cover the added expense. Say you make $32,000 per year (I have no idea- that's just an average wage for medium-high level office professionals in this area), that would mean that you are doing all this for $12,000 per year before taxes, which is roughly $8700 net, or $725 per month gross (that's $182 per week).

Chances are, you could find a way to make up that difference, or find a part time job (maybe doing latch key for local kids that you know) that could even out the gap.

Do you have any skills that you could turn into a home business? There are a lot of people who run fairly successful home businesses based on the need to stay home with their kids.

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Thanks, guys. I've been seriously thinking about it. I like working mostly for the adult interaction that I didn't have when I was staying home with the kids. (I work as a guard at the county jail.) It is a stressful job and I'm only intermittant so the hours aren't steady. I've gone one month from having only 69.5 hours on my paycheck to this month having 134 hours.
TW: don't worry about being offensive I've yet to find anything you say to me offensive. And I can already see that I'm missing alot with the kids. My son starts kindergarden in August and my job wants me to go to a two week training that same time so if I go I will miss his first day.
Para: I've been thinking of it and we were making an ok go of it when I was staying at home. I started working mostly because I missed working. Now, I wonder just how much I actually missed it. I think I miss watching my kids growing up more than I missed working.
LW:

If not, screw the hospital bills, they can afford to wait. Life doesn't.

Thanks, that is just too true.
Karma: It's costing me $30 a day for two when they stay the full day, if they are only there a couple hours then its $5 an hour. My babysitter doesn't charge me for my oldest daughter because she is in school all day and only there for half an hour before my husband picks them up when he gets off work. I've been thinking about the home business thing for a while. I make bath salts and bubble bath at home for myself, friends and family but that can sometimes get expensive. Plus, I'm just not sure if they are good enough to compete with others out there. I also make dream catcher (when I can afford to get the supplies). I just wish there were more jobs around here that didn't require me to drive so far. Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Again. Thanks guys. I'll think over what all you said. You made some good points. Now, I know why I love this place so much.

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

I'm just not sure if they are good enough to compete with others out there.

There's only one way to find out, right?

I know a few people who make ends meet by doing crafts for craft shows (make them during the year then sell them at strategic craft events) and some also do home businesses like Body Shop, Tastefully Simple or various other home businesses). I also know a woman who is in the scrap-booking and teaches scrapbook classes out of her basement.

Most of these women schedule time to do this when their husbands are home and can watch the children. They call it "tag team" child raising.

The neatest business that I have seen lately is a local coffee shop. It's owned by a couple of friends, and they built in a "child area" for their children and children of their employees. They take turns caring for the children and taking care of the business. That way they can work and have their children close, too.

You'd also be amazed at what type of store you can set up on eBay to sell crafts.

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you have a point Karma. But I have to admit I'm kind of a chicken. I hate failing at things and sometimes hesistate because of that. I know that old saying "you only fail if you don't try" but it doesn't help my worrying. Maybe one of these days I'll take the plunge though and see what happens. If I do I'll let you all know.

Shoot, if I do setup an ebay store then I'll give you guys a discount for all the help you have given me.

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I was going to put my two-cents in but i see you already got some great advice here!

I know it's hard when you're a working mom away from your children. I was in the situation where my kids and I were missing each other and my husband and I weren't spending a lot of time together because of our jobs. Although we were comfortable I got tired of it and we moved from the big city and the fast track careers. Now, the income is less but we spend more time together as a family. He works nights but we're a lot closer now than we were before we came here. When we got here we both used to work more than 30 mls from work then moved closer to save the commute time.

So you have to know what you want and go from there. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Karma is right too, there's only one way to find out where that business is concerned. I'm working a plan for myself too, so goodluck!

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Thanks foreverserenity. Good luck to you too.

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Hello NW,
Just chiming in to agree that the advice so far given is acurate and sound.
My wife now works only 2 days per week, it's great for our home and my business. The family kicks in at the store, and, knock on wood, we have yet to have a child subjected to "Daycare"( their indentured servitude precludes that ) ....

Good Luck

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LW: You'll be the first to know when I get it all set up. Maybe one of these days I'll get a big batch made and send ya'll samples and you can give me your honest opinions. I know I can always count on this place to let out their opinions good or bad.

Dynosoar: Lately I've been working 2 days a week and being on call the rest of the week. (Which works fine until they call me at midnight. )

I always loved helping my mother when she managed this little convience store when I was growing up. So I bet so far they don't mind the indentured servitude.

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