It's weird how, sometimes, life goes in a complete circle. At least, that's what mine did recently. About 6 months ago, Tommy and I split up. He'd returned to Phoenix on Aug. 15, and that was the last time I saw him until 3 weeks ago. I was left in Mayer with his cousin Ron, who was a total, utter jerk. One warm, Saturday afternoon, I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor of that dingy little apartrment in a heap bawling my eyes out. I had felt that I'd come to my end.
On one hand, I was dealing with Tommy from about a 100 mile distance trying to keep a troubled relationship going, on the other hand I was dealing with Ron who was trying to get me into a relationship with him and trying to vie for my affections behind Tommy's back. I mean, just how much can a woman take? Tommy was always arguing with me over the phone, and Ron was getting pissy about my cats, taking his frustrations out on me. So, it was like sort of being in between a rock and a hard place, and that hard place was crumbling very quickly.
That fated Saturday afternoon, after I'd emerged from the bathroom, red-eyed and runny nose, I walked on past Ron, who seemingly was sitting on the couch in a belwidered state, and headed out the door with the cordless phone in my hand. I dialed a number that I'd gotten for a domestic violence shelter. My whole thought was that I needed to get away, far, far away so that Tommy and Ron would have no incling as to where I had disappeared to. They had an available bunk for me, and I asked them to hold it so that I could arrive there sometime Monday. Plans were then set in motion.
By Monday afternoon, I'd disappeared into the sunset. I remained in that shelter from Sept 13th until early November. I'd gotten some counseling and got my head straight. I'd felt as though I'd lost myself, and needed to find myself all over again. Which is what I did. I have to admit that I'm a much better person now for it. Anyway, I was determined, at first, to stay up there in that area. But, soon, I was longing to return back down here to the Phoenix area. It wasn't home up there in Cottonwood. I hated it there. So, I got a job at Walmart, and decided that I'd get some money together and head on back down here.
It took me two weeks of calling shelters down here before I could finally get a bed, but when I did, I hopped onto the Greyhound bus and left Cottonwood. I had thought about Tommy as time went on, found that I was actually missing him, but in total denial that I was missing him at all. I found a shelter in Mesa, got my old job back, and started all over again to rebuild my life. I got up enough money to get out of the 2nd shelter on Dec. 31st. I was happy to be out on my own, not in a shelter anymore. But, still yet, something was missing. I wasn't happy.
In the month of Nov., Tommy had written me 4 emails. They tore my heart apart when I finally read them which was in January. It was obvious that he'd been missing me. He had kept asking me to come home to him. Of course, it had been a month and a half before I was able to retrieve these letters. The phone number on those letters had been disconnected. Mary told me that Tommy had returned to Michigan after the holidays. Needless to say, my heart sank, thinking that I'd waited too long and had lost Tommy forever.
I wasn't done trying, though, to get him back. Valentine's day was seemingly going to be quite depressing this year for me, and that was hitting me quite hard. I missed Tommy even more. Anyway, Sunday Feb. 13th, I went to the library, and my sole purpose for going and checking my email was that I was hoping to have heard from Tommy. Low and behold, there was 4 new emails from him. He was still in the Phoenix area, and had given me a new number to call. With shakey hands and wobbly knees, I dialed Tommy's number. We talked for an hour, and he told me to hop a bus and come to his apartment. So, that's what I did. We ended up talking, and crying with each other that entire afternoon, into the night, and until 6 am the next morning. We've been back together ever since.
Things have been quite different now. Honestly the separation was good for both of us. I know I hurt him deeply by how I came to be separated from him. It's going to take time to gain trust back in his heart. But, that day when I saw him walking toward me, my feelings rushed back into my heart for him. I'm thankful now that he hadn't 1)returned to Michigan, 2) found himself a new girlfirend and 3) that he welcomed me back into his open arms. I have realized, since being back, that yes, that man does love me very much. Life is sweet.
