And that's the honest frickin truth.

I'm so sick of laying my heart on the line again and again and again (over a period of 4 years) for the same fricking guy.... just to have it stomped on again and again and again.

Last week I posted a blog on my myspace site talking about how my heart has been broken by this fuck for the last 4 years and how bad it hurts. Well he called me on Monday the 9th and was drunk and high and was sayin' how we should hang out. Go for a cruise or something. I was excited by the prospect.

Then when my friend Ringo picked me up she told him we should all hang out then. I was chill with that as well. So we go over there. Smoke, drink, talk, and eat some good fucking food. At some point shortly after we got there he wanted a hug. Well I got up and gave him a hug. He then proceeded to KISS me. On the lips.

Okay. I'm 22. He's 43. Granted I've never had a problem with the age difference before. But for some unknown damn reason I got totally disgusted. As I was going to sit back down I brought my arm up and did the customary grossed out arm swipe of the lips. I didn't think much of it until about oh... the next day.

I'm sitting at work. Shit starts popping into my head about how I don't want a relationship. Not with him. Not with anyone. Okay, maybe, if David Cook were to come around the sticks of ND and we were to meet and he were to ask me out, I'd def say yes. But probably not anyone else.

And that fucking sucks. I've had such deep feelings for this guy since a month after we met. He was there for me when my parents were being bitches. He was there for me when I was a minor and needed booze-liquor. I thought I loved him. I thought I couldn't live my life without him. I had a couple guys who were interested in me, but I turned them down because I wanted to hold out for him. That fuck who was clueless for 4 goddamn years. All his co-workers (he was a busdriver) knew how I felt. They all said we'd be cute together. They all understood what was there. He was so fucking clueless it was terrible.

But now. I'm not in love with him. I'm kinda repulsed by the very thought of him.

But that's it I guess.

Peace!

~Lady Macca