This may sound odd, but one thing that drives me crazy is when I can't figure myself out. When I don't know why I feel what I feel, and when I don't know why I act a certian way.
I have a problem with the word love. Now, like I implied, I don't know why I do. If it's fear, I'm trying to face it. I think I'm worried that I don't know what true love is, and that I'll mess it up. I'm worried that if we break up he'll ask if I ever really loved him. I see the word love, between couples, being tossed around so frequently. After three days of knowing each other, in an online relationship, two people are saying they love each other. Is it just me, or does this make "love" seem futile and cheap? I want love, in my life, to mean something.
Maybe I'm not scared of love, maybe I just don't love him yet. Hell, I don't even know what love is. I believe true love is knowing you'd be willing to do anything for that other person. Can you truly love someone before you've committed to them fully? How do you distinguish love from infatuation? If love is just an emotion, then I love him.
If love is an intense want to be with someone all the time... If love is knowing I'd ball my eyes out if I never saw him again... If love is knowing that he's my best friend... If love is knowing that there's not a lot you wouldn't do for him... If love is being able to work out your differences... If love is wanting to know all I can about this person... If love is thinking of him in a romantic way for two years and being with him for one... If love is feeling whole when I'm in his arms... If love is adoration... If love is wanting to be there through all the good and bad times... If love is self-control and sacrafice... If love is knowing I'll never forget him:
Then I love him. If that is love. So, what am I so fucking scared of? Help anyone?!
~Sarah
