Finding Myself

The Twisted Path

Recently a fellow blogger wrote about her difficulty in realizing her potential. This has inspired me to write about my experience with that same difficulty, and what decisions I made.

When I first went to college it was because I was expected to. In my family you had two choices: College or Military. Since I’m an obnoxious jerk who has little respect for authority, the second option was out.

I first studied Aerospace Engineering (ASE) because my older brother told me to. He had read in a magazine that ASE had the best starting salary coming out of school, and since I was good at math and science he thought it was a good choice for me. Since I didn't have any better ideas at the time I went for it.

Problem was that I was not just good at math and science. I was good at everything. That may sound arrogant, and I have certainly been accused of that, but it is the simple truth. And it took me a long time to become comfortable with that. As a child my mother would tell me I could be anything I wanted. I doubt she knew how true that was.

After my second year in school I realized ASE was far too boring for me. I wanted a new major, but deciding on one was tricky. Serious candidates included English Literature, Psychology, Philosophy (which ended up being my minor), Art, History, Anthropology, Biochemistry, Physics, and Computer Science. I was interested in becoming a Forensic Anthropologist, so I picked Biochemistry. That lasted a semester before I realized I would need a PhD to be a lab assistant, and that was not a path I wanted to tread.

So I eventually decided on Computer Science. There were a couple of reasons for this decision. First, I couldn't see myself making a living at many of my potential choices. Second, I had some college level credit for programming from an Advanced Placement Computer Science class I took in high school. This second reason was somewhat important to me since I was already way behind in finishing a degree in four years.

Even with my new choice I wasn't very enthusiastic about school. I still wasn’t going to school for me. Two years later I left school to try my hand at being an artist. That didn't work out so well, but during that time I was writing software for various odd jobs. I would write an admin program for the Engineering School here, a chemistry aid for a graduate student there, the library for the occasional MUD. These jobs were varied and many, but paid little to nothing.

The significant positive aspect of these jobs was that people were using my work. And in some cases my code was entertaining thousands of people around the world. This was big. This was very big.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something useful. I discovered that software development involved so many of the talents and skills that I enjoyed using. I was finally able to apply my creative side and my analytical side in equal measure. This was thrilling to me.

After two years away from school I managed to save enough to return. Return is almost the wrong word, because I had never really been there before. It was more like starting school fresh with some baggage from the past (a very poor G.P.A.).

I enjoyed my last two years of undergraduate work so much that I signed up for three more years of graduate school. After that I was offered a job as a Lecturer for the Computer Science Department at my university. And after a few years of that I stepped into the Industry.

I still love software development. I get excited thinking about the work I get to perform. I get giddy when I am handed a problem to fix, or a feature to implement.

The moral of this story, if there is one, is that it may take some time to find where you belong. And there may be a twisting path you must tread. But if you do not give up, and always work towards what makes you happy, you will find your way.

Locked Post

Advanced Search

Watch this post

Do not email me updates for this post Email me updates for this post