English People

from an Antipodean perspective

Our pasty and freckled friends are by far and large the funniest people on this earth, without a doubt. Perhaps I am only judging from my perspective and my sense of humour, which is fair enough, because this is my blog, and no one else's - but that's how it stands. Period. (I know that actually say's period period, but this is a blog about England, not English.. It just manages to accentuate my point)

The English have a term for jocular and friendly conversation known as 'Banter' - Dictionary.com refers to it as "an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery" I am particularly partial to this form of communication, and let me assure you all, that as an Australian, I am subject to endless tirades - often relatable to the fact the Queen owns our country, the pound is stronger than our dollar or the fact that our country merely exists as a prison colony for her majesties undesirables. I like to refer to this as tall poppy syndrome. Any Englishmen worth their salt would rather be in Australia, and I would successfully argue that they are jealous that their great great great grandfather was not caught stealing a loaf of bread in the dark ages.

If Australia is so much better than England, why am I here? well, that's an excellent question, and extremely well asked. If you must know why I am here, I am here to study the sub culture known here as the 'Chavs'

The 'Chav' is an exclusively English term or kind of person. Generally between 12 and 17 years of age, Adidas tracksuit pants, with one leg rolled up to the knee to expose classical English white shins that have probably encountered the head of a child 5 years their junior whilst on the ground pleading for mercy, all for the gain of aforementioned 10 year olds hoody or burburry chequered baseball cap. The Chav will also be well endowed with fake gold neck adornments, much akin to flava flava. No matter how tough you are, or how young these kids are, it is almost always recommended not to look them in the eye, because they will almost certainly have a knife on their person - and if they don't, they will break a glass bottle and bludgeon you with it, and then tell all their friends so they get an ASBO (anti-social behaviour order) which is a like a Chav war medal, and will probably get them a shag with the local 14 year old harlot, who probably has 2 future Chavs of her own and another bun in the Chav oven already.

Which leads me to the topic of English women... aside from the Chav queens of Kent, their sense of humour makes them extremely attractive, but doesn't quite make up for their general aesthetic shortcomings. I have been spoilt in my life of living in God's country where I am used to diversity and sun kissed skin - I would be lying if I said there were no attractive women in England, because there is the Norse influence of the blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair in instances, however, it is an exception to the rule. English women for the most part are extremely intelligent and well educated though, hence the banter is enjoyable, and they tend to be forthcoming and sexually adventurous, so there are no complaints there. In my limited experience, I have formed some close bonds with some amazing English girls, and they have these little English idiosyncrasies that I have fallen in love with, and sometimes when I wonder what I am doing so far away from home, all I have to do is think of them and I am happy again.

English guys seems to be friendly enough and as mentioned, are predominantly very funny, although will jump at any opportunity to put down an Australian, which is fair enough as well. It must be hard to endure the torment of being second best in every way imaginable to a country that was created from supposed rejects of the blighted isle. It also must be quite difficult to sit back and watch as boat loads of antipodeans arrive on your shores and are able to woo the women with comparative ease, but when the English lad goes south, the same thing does not happen for him. The hooligan culture here is nothing short of disgusting, and I will be the first to admit it is a very small element of what I have encountered, but it certainly exists - English guys seem to have something to prove and it is not an endearing quality.. I think this is one of the reason's I have not formed any close bonds with any English guys - I have shared some good times and fun banter, but the relationships never seem to progress from there, or perhaps maybe it's because I am a cocky Aussie?

I have never encountered such mediocrity when it comes to service delivery. This is not as an outsider looking in. The general consensus here in England is that mediocrity is acceptable, and as long as someone has a crack, that will do. As someone who expects nothing but the best from himself, I have had to learn to taper my expectations of both clients, suppliers and internal colleagues as well as anyone in the service industry - no one seems to take that extra mile required to help a mate, because it is not in their job description. I have not been the first, and suffice to guess I will not be the last to remark that the English will get by on the skin of their teeth by just doing what needs to be done. The phrase 'over and above' is non existent here, and that is probably why their cricket team is so pants.

I suppose that is enough of a rant for my first entry on England, English culture and English people, I will no doubt have more to add in the future - I am enjoying it here though, aside from SAD (seasonal affective disorder Link ) I think some of the relationships and bonds I am forming will be lifelong, and I do admire the crisp mornings... At this stage my plan of action is to smile as much as possible, and hopefully I get at least one back!

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Excellent observations.

I would successfully argue that they are jealous that their great great great grandfather was not caught stealing a loaf of bread in the dark ages.

I agree. In fact, I've argued along these lines in the past. It shuts them up pretty quick smart, let me tell you.

No matter how tough you are, or how young these kids are, it is almost always recommended not to look them in the eye

This sounds almost like a lot of the locals living around Maroubra, even down to the one tracksuit pants leg rolled up, hoodies and baseball caps.

The hooligan culture here is nothing short of disgusting, and I will be the first to admit it is a very small element of what I have encountered, but it certainly exists - English guys seem to have something to prove and it is not an endearing quality

I've been noticing this behaviour more and more among a lot of young men here lately. I'd like to say it is because of all the English backpackers in the area but the fact is the backpackers rarely, if ever, cause any problems. The locals, however, are ridiculously fond of hurting strangers and stirring up as much trouble as they can.

I've always had a soft spot for English girls. They're crazy, funny, smart, sexy and sassy. What more could a bloke ask for?

Again, great observations.

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thanks for popping by Dyno

I actually fear going back to an Australia that is inhabited by these clods... young men the world over seem to be losing their way for whatever reason - we need a great big war to sort them out I think... not only would this instil a bit of discipline and perspective into the insolent youth of today, but it will make them appreciate what our forefathers did before us... and I am sure it would shut the pommies up when it comes to Aussies coming to their aid, so far away from home...

And yeah, the English girls... aside from the fact that I am currently completely besotted by one, generally they are so much fun, and they are making my English experience great!

Cheers mate

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Great article! I found it very amusing to read, and the parts that I could identify with (I have interacted with English before, just not often), I found to be spot on. It is good to read a third party observation of another culture that you have some exposure to. It will tend to negate your biases, or re-inforce them, and this article did both (especially the part about English Women in comparison. )

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It funny, becuase English women have never appealed to me in the slightest... look at famous English sheila's - Kiera Knightly, doesn't seem like she has a funny bone in her body, and if she did, it would snap in half in a second... or there is Kate Moss... she just seems like a wild coke head who you wouldn't be chuffed to bring home to your mother... otherwise there are trashy B grade or plastic celebrities...I can't even think of any other notable female English celebs, so I guess that speaks volumes in itself!

So it is quite a pleasant surprise!

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young men the world over seem to be losing their way for whatever reason - we need a great big war to sort them out I think...

I've read some opinions that point at the loss of community values, video games, the cult of celebrities, violence in movies and on television or the lack of proper parental control as the reason these young people are off the rails.

But I don't think it is any one thing. I think for a lot of these young men (and, increasingly, women), there is an incredible in-built selfishness. I don't know if a war would help them out but I don't know what would.

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