Believers Question #4

Why should I judge?

One of the many reasons that I fell away from the Church was because I was being too judgmental... and was also seeing too much judgment as well.

In a time, as a young person (13-14) I needed the help of the pastor and youth pastor to get out of an abusive environment. Now granted the danger was not life threatening or anything like that, but it was serious enough that it severly affect my life. I asked them for help, while at the same time fearing the wrath of my parents for 'telling.' I guess you could say that I wasn't very cooperative in helping them to help me....but I still judge what they did, really what they didn't do. It was/is a great injustice to me. I feel that they had a moral and legal obligation to report the situation and they did not.

In the years following this I was subjected to things that young people shouldn't have to deal with. Situations where at 15 and 16 my parents allowed to happen that put me in danger of rape. Serious danger - I was locked in a room with a near naked man (a relative) and forced to drink alcohol. His intentions were definitely to rape me. By the Grace of God I was not physically harmed but I was/am emotionally scarred. It was around this time that I fell way because I felt abandoned. I went on a year or two later to date a man who was 10yrs my senior (17 and 27) - and my parents were also accepting of this.

I'm not sure that I've yet been able to forgive these people - my parents for refusing to see the abuse, the abuser - for the obvious, and the pastors who could have helped prevent the latter sitations.

I know that Jesus said, “ Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay not attention of the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time tere isa plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5

How do/should accountablility, judgment, and forgiveness play in this in my life?

How do I get beyond this past hurt to see the value of the Church? How do I stop judging those in the church who might do something that doesn't follow the doctine of the Church? Something as small as studying another version of the Bible beyond the Church accepted "only KJV" - this inclued me! How to I get beyond judgment into forgiveness? What is your perspective? How do you feel about judging others/being judged? Do you try not to judge others? How do you judge yourself?

(After rereading this it seems very convoluted, but I hope there's some sense in it and that someone of you can help me.)

Just a reminder about my desired format:

First, I want to let everyone know that this is not a debate. Anyone who argues with another poster will find their post deleted.

I'm posting this question in an effort to learn. As such, your answer with supporting explanation/evidence would be most helpful to me. References to documents and/or the Bible would be helpful along with citations (this will give me more sources to explore).

If your answer is simply what you believe, please feel free to state that too.

But please, please, please, no arguments. If there are I may be compelled to delete the entire article thereby losing any learning value that it might have for me.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

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KFC Kickin For Christ

Join Date 11/2005

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How do/should accountablility, judgment, and forgiveness play in this in my life?

You have really good questions here. First I'd like to say I'm sorry for the hurt you've encountered in your young life. I know that what you went thru hurt Christ as much as it did you. It wasn't meant to be like this. I do know that things happen in our lives for a reason. We don't know sometimes until much later how God uses these things to be quite beneficial. I recommend your reading the story of Joesph in Gen 37-50. In the end we have that great statement from Joseph who said..."But as for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it for good." Notice the years (12) he spent in prison for something he didn't do. If anyone should have been bitter it should have been Joseph.

God hates all sin. However it is his perogative to allow good to come out of the evil others devise. Joseph was taught to acknowledge and revere God's providence in his circumstances. We are to view God's hand not only in his goodness and mercy to us, but in our afflications and trials as well.

In Acts 2:23 it says "This man (Jesus) was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge and you with the help of wicked men put him to death by nailing him on the cross." God knew it and allowed it.

There is both a direct will and permissive will in God's divine purpose. Men and women may be culpable and blameworthy for an act such as crucifying the Lord but as a permitted act it can still come under the total plan of God. If that is true for Chrit's crucifixtion then it is no less true in the case of Joseph and for us today as well.

As far as forgiveness we only have to look at him on the cross as our example. I just wrote about this on my blog. He said "father forgive them for they know not what they do." Stephen, before being stoned (Acts 7) said the same. It's so healing to forgive others that have wronged you. It's so freeing to just let it go. We, as humans tend to hold on, not letting it go, but as you probably know, it is not beneficial dragging us down, gnawing at us daily.

As far as judgment goes, we are not told "not to judge" but when we do to do so rightly. If you look at that verse you wrote above it clearly states that. Take the plank out of your eye before you take out the splinter in another's eye. We are not to make judgments hypocritically or with malice. Many times, we see Christ saying "You judged rightly." In order for Paul and Peter to so boldy come out against the authorities they had to make a judgment. They based it on the scriptures making a right judgment.

But having said that, you're right, there are too many quick to judge others and it can be easily found in many churches. We forget that we too are sinners saved by grace. Truth must be applied but not alone, mercy must be liberally applied as well. It says in scripture that mercy triumps judgment. We need to apply that to our lives when we judge one another or ourselves.

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Great response KFC.

I know what you mean about looking around you at people in the church and wondering...."Why are you here again?"

We move around a lot and I've attended churches from a lot of denominations, and non denominational. I have never found a perfect church. But since I'm not perfect I still fit in pretty good. Heh.

It is hard to connect with a whole church anyway. You may want to start smaller. Go to Sunday school or Bible study at a church and see if you like the women there. They won't be perfect, but are they seeking? In the end isn't that really the most important thing?

I can tell you an easy way to control being judgemental. When you feel yourself starting on the path, ask God to show you how to improve on your own failings. That is one prayer He has never waited to answer for me. haha.

I believe God is going to change the way America worships. I believe it will come in my life time and will be a "come as you are," type thing. There are just too many people dissatisfied with how most churches do things today. Most times someone says, "I don't believe in organized religion," what that really means is..."I can't find a place to worship God that seems authentic. I can't connect."

To me church is about fellowshipping. And most people sit side by side in church for years but never really get to know one another. I don't think that is God's plan. The only churches I've ever loved are the ones where I made the time to get to know most of the congregation personally.

I think the "perfect" service would involve a pastor's sermon for a half hour or so, then people right there in the sanctuary discussing it, talking about it, and peppering it all with worship music. That way everyone who shows up for service is seen, heard (if they wish), and face to face with other believers. I don't think Sunday school should be separate, I think it should be part of the service. And if the church is too big, then broken down into all day services of smaller groups.

And I'd rearrange the pews so people were facing each other somehow, looking others in the eye, and not facing the stage like they are watching tv.

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