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SanChonino
Join Date 12/2005
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JU writing club, submission #2

or; Prague in the late autumn

November 22, 2006 10:19:21 AM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
It sure took me long enough to finally get some inspiration for this sucker. (Shovel, you didn't pick a very easy inspiration . . . but a wonderfully salacious one, to be sure.)
This little fella isn't my normal writing, but that's as much what I think this club is for as anything else – to stretch myself as a writer. So for the first time (in a very long time, mind you) I wrote a play. (I blame it all on Pedro Calderón de la Barca. Never mind the fact he's been dead for three hundred years, he's the guilty party.)
So, without further ado, the one act play. For remembrance's sake, here's the inspiration pic again.

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AFTERNOON IN PRAGUE
A play in one act

(Curtain opens on a poorly lit room, sparsely filled. Brown walls; a large bed in the middle of the stage. Elena and Serena are on the bed; both are racily clad. Elena, in plaid, straddles Serena at the waist, forcing a bottle of wine into the other's mouth. Serena is tied to the posts of the bed.)

ELENA: Is that how you like it, huh, bitch? Is that how you like it?

SERENA: (disaffected) Oh yeah, baby, give me some more, just like that.

ELENA: Drink it like this, baby. (After taking a hit off the bottle, Elena leans down and kisses Serena with a mouthful of alcohol, spilling it all over the other girl. Serena, unprepared, begins to cough.)

DIRECTOR: (Enters from stage left, camera in hand) Cut, cut! What the hell! Are we shooting a porn here or are we playing tea time? If you two don't start making this believable, I'm gonna fire the hell out of the both of you. Come on, you've both been promised large amounts of cash for this . . . we're talking the big shits. Now get to it!

SERENA: I swear, Elena, no amount of cash is worth this. Come on, let's just go.

ELENA: (Eyes cast downward) I can't do this, Serena, I can't.

SERENA: I didn't come to Prague to be in a porn movie. We've been here three weeks already. Can't we just move on? What happened to the whole “backpack across Europe” plan?

DIRECTOR: Either shut the hell up and get to it or get out of here! I'll find someone else. Slutty little bitches like you are a dime a dozen in this shithole town.

SERENA: Don't worry, dick, we're leaving. (She pushes Elena off of her, grabs the other girl's hand, and begins to leave towards stage right.)

DIRECTOR: Oh honey, you don't know what dick is until you've had me, baby . . .

(The two girls exit through a door, placed close to edge of stage right.)

ELENA: Oh come on, Serena, what the hell is this all about? You were the one who seemed all gung-ho about this when that asshole approached us . . . or at least you seemed like some kind of ho. (She smiles at Serena.)

SERENA: Well, call me what you will, but we did need the money. How do you propose that we get out of Prague now? We've got to eat somehow. And how do we plan to get home? School starts in two weeks. How do we get back to Miami without two freakin' cents to our names?

ELENA: Uh . . . no ideas over here. I've got nothing.

SERENA: Well . . . I suppose we could start begging . . . ever begged before?

ELENA: Please, I'd rather die. I'd rather screw your brains out with a fork than be a beggar.

SERENA: Well then . . . our options seem rather limited.

ELENA: Somewhere between screwed and super screwed.

SERENA: You know, this really is your fault. If you hadn't wanted to bad to pierce that damn lip of yours back in Budapest . . .

ELENA: But that guy in the piercing shop was so hot . . . he could've talked me into anything.

SERENA: What, did you pierce your titty too?

ELENA: (laughing) Well, if we hadn't run from the porn guy so quick, you could've found out, huh?

SERENA: Huh . . . well I guess that's true.

(During this scene outside, DIRECTOR continues to fidget inside the room, making the bed again, obviously nervous. He approaches the door.)

DIRECTOR: Are you still standing out there? I told you to get the hell out of here!

SERENA: Look, we're sorry, but we're trying to figure out where to go here.

ELENA: Back the hell off.

DIRECTOR: Hey . . . I need to shoot something today. If not, my bosses will have my balls in the frying pan. I won't make you guys screw, but . . . I at least need something. Will you guys get back in here and just at least shoot something . . . hot? Not like X-rated stuff, but something . . . spicy?

ELENA: (Both girls exchange looks.) Serena, we do need the cash. A little kissing won't do us any harm.

SERENA: Okay. If you pay us double what you promised us.

DIRECTOR: What?!? No way, babe. No way.

(The girls stand obstinate, unmoving. Silence.)

DIRECTOR: Okay, all right, just get the hell in here and get back to where you were. You, on top of you . . . bottle of wine . . . all that shit. Get to it!

(All enter the room. Elena and Serena resume their positions on the bed – Serena tied up, Elena straddling the other girl, bottle in hand.)

ELENA: You like that, baby? Does that make you feel good?

SERENA: Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's it.

(The Director approaches, preparing for a close angle shot. As he approaches, Elena slams the wine bottle down on his head, knocking him unconscious.)

SERENA: What the hell? What are you doing?

ELENA: Getting us cash the good old-fashioned way . . . now help me out here.

(Elena grabs the Director, stripping him down. Serena realizes what's going on and helps, tying him to the bedposts.)

ELENA: That ought to do it. Now, grab his wallet and let's get the hell out of here before dickwad over here wakes back up.

SERENA: Hmm. Well . . . I guess that is one way to get some quick cash.

ELENA: Whatever works, right? Let's go, hurry up! (They leave.)

DIRECTOR: (Groggily, awakening slowly) Huh? What just happened to me? (He looks down, finding himself naked, robbed, and tied to the bed.) I knew I should've never used the American girls.




© 2006 Braeden Jones
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SanChonino
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #1 November 22, 2006 10:26:07 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Hostel - the PG version.
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SanChonino
SanChonino
Join Date 12/2005
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Reply #2 November 22, 2006 12:56:09 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Cello? Is anybody there? No love today on the JU . . .

I'm reminded of that old Pink Floyd song . . .

"Hello? (Hello, hello) Is there anybody in there?"

Come on, y'all know you're singing it.
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SanChonino
dynamaso
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #3 November 22, 2006 7:40:39 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Hey, I'm here, I was sleeping when you posted this, though.

I really liked the idea here, mate. If this isn't your normal writing, then you've done a great job of stretching yourself. You've inspired me as I've always wanted to write a play but never had the... gumption. You've provided some of it now. Thanks a lot and have a great Thanksgiving, mate.
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SanChonino
foreverserenity
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #4 November 22, 2006 7:46:46 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Aw everyone is too busy preparing for tomorrow or they are on the road Braeden! I love it! I really, really do! I liked how it ended as well. I thought the plot was great! And the setting of Prague is quite fitting! Good job!
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SanChonino
foreverserenity
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Reply #5 November 22, 2006 7:49:25 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Oh yea, and that line: "ELENA: Please, I'd rather die. I'd rather screw your brains out with a fork than be a beggar.

Should this have been skewer your brains ? Since you're referring to eating with a fork, when I saw screw your brain, I thought something else, then "with a fork" didn't compute! Just a thought!
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SanChonino
SanChonino
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Reply #6 November 22, 2006 8:04:38 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Maso:

You've inspired me as I've always wanted to write a play but never had the... gumption. You've provided some of it now. Thanks a lot and have a great Thanksgiving, mate.


Thanks, Mark. Hope you write us a killer play here!

Serenity:

I love it! I really, really do! I liked how it ended as well. I thought the plot was great!


Should this have been skewer your brains

Thanks, Donna. I'm thoroughly pleased that you enjoyed it.
The actual effect I was going for is that she would rather screw Serena (i.e. sex) with a fork. Just thought it would be a vivid image . . . but maybe skewer would be better. I'll think about it.
The phrase "screw your brains out" means to have sex rather heartily in the local lexicon around these parts . . . or maybe just my own lexicon. Heh heh heh.
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SanChonino
MasonM
Join Date 01/2004
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Reply #7 November 22, 2006 8:22:45 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Good job. The play format made it more interesting.
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SanChonino
SanChonino
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Reply #8 November 23, 2006 1:38:55 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Good job. The play format made it more interesting.


Thanks. Glad you liked it.

Now, if I could just find two beautiful, virile young'uns to star in my play . . . I'll even be the director . . . heh heh heh.
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SanChonino
Shovelheat
Join Date 07/2004
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Reply #9 November 23, 2006 9:18:50 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
HAHAHAHA! Just saw this! I liked the "play" idea too.

And if Maso doesn't mind, I nominate you for the next suggestion! hahaha...
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SanChonino
SanChonino
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Reply #10 November 23, 2006 10:27:36 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
And if Maso doesn't mind, I nominate you for the next suggestion


I definitely keep my ear to the ground, trying to think of something . . . I'll see what I can come up with . . .
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SanChonino
dynamaso
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #11 November 23, 2006 6:15:52 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Shovel,

I don't mind at all. But I was thinking we should let one of the ladies have a go as the first few suggestions have all been from the gentlemen of this club. What do you think, guys?
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SanChonino
SanChonino
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Reply #12 November 23, 2006 11:22:04 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
But I was thinking we should let one of the ladies have a go as the first few suggestions have all been from the gentlemen of this club. What do you think, guys?


I'm all for a lady picking the next one. i'll just be in the queue right behind . . .

(Plus, that'll give me more time to think of something )
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SanChonino
foreverserenity
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #13 November 24, 2006 8:12:27 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
The actual effect I was going for is that she would rather screw Serena (i.e. sex) with a fork. Just thought it would be a vivid image . . . but maybe skewer would be better. I'll think about it.
The phrase "screw your brains out" means to have sex rather heartily in the local lexicon around these parts . . . or maybe just my own lexicon. Heh heh heh.


Oh I got it! I know it means that I just can't picture the image of a fork, rather painful, unless you're into S&M!LOL! More pleasant toys are more fun!
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SanChonino
BlueDev
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #14 November 25, 2006 1:22:52 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Well written.  It definately works, I could visualize it well in my mind.
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SanChonino
SanChonino
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Reply #15 November 25, 2006 2:13:13 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Serenity:

I know it means that I just can't picture the image of a fork, rather painful, unless you're into S&M!LOL! More pleasant toys are more fun!


Jajaja! Well then, I achieved the goal - making you squirm a little at the thought . . .

BlueDev:

It definately works, I could visualize it well in my mind.


Glad you could. Glad you liked it.
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SanChonino
Tova7
Join Date 09/2005
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Reply #16 November 25, 2006 2:48:24 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Good job.

The flow was good and I saw it unfold in my head logically (though I think the director would have done much more begging in real life, hahahaha).

Bravo.
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