SanChonino

Join Date 12/2005

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JU Writing Club - 1st submission preamble

or; the calm before the storm

For my submission for the first writing challenge for the JU Writer's Club, I finished a surrealist story that I've been working on for weeks. I will post the surrealism story later this morning, I'm putting the finishing touches on it right now, but this poem serves as a preamble to the story. Read this, and then (when the other is up) read the story. It won't make sense, but it's surrealism - it's not supposed to.

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The smoldering bones are smoking still . . .
The ashes scatter on the seven winds . . .
The green letters of the exit sign
Shine brightly 'cross the deepened pitch
This ash is apparent . . .

The moldy books are burning still . . .
The flames seem brighter in the lanky night . . .
Deadlights beckon for a reckoning
Numbers ticking on a rusted clock
This ash is apparent . . .

The pipe organ issues forth a sad refrain
The deep static creates interloping pain
This ash is apparent!

The notes of the pipes break my very back

The notes of the pipes turn my guts to soup

The notes of the pipes cause my wandering

The notes trap me in an iridescent loop
Incandescence!

Antitheses are flowing still . . .
Teeth rattle and caress my jaw . . .
Relativity becomes a flash
Creativity can dissipate
This ash is apparent!

© 2006 Braeden Jones

poetry

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Ooh..not bad, not bad at all. In fact, I'd say it's rather kickass.

Seriously, good work...no idea what the hell is going on, but it sounds good.

Heh, heh. Actually where the words seem odd or perhaps confusing, the tone rings through, which is a good element of poetry.

Un poema bueno.

~Zoo

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I've recently been reading some old Slaine comics and this poem puts me in mind of them (Slaine is a fantasy comic much in the same mold as Conan the Barbarian). Don't know why, but it does.

As Zoo said, you carry the tone well throughout the poem. I like it...

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Seriously, good work...no idea what the hell is going on

True!

Weird, but to me that's a good thing...

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Zoo:

Actually where the words seem odd or perhaps confusing, the tone rings through, which is a good element of poetry.

I appreciate you saying it . . . I was hoping that, with the rhythm inherent in this, it would turn into a killer song. Didn't happen. Yet.

Shovel:

Weird, but to me that's a good thing...

I know what you mean . . . sometimes, the weirder the better!

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This tells a story in itself somehow. I can't wait to read it!

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I was hoping that, with the rhythm inherent in this, it would turn into a killer song.

It's got song potential...I'm thinking something slow...moderato would be a good speed...maybe andante if you want to make it deeper and more soulful. Also, keeping it under forte would probably be good...just seems like a slower, quiet song...but that's just me.

Of course the notes, keys, and chords are all variable, but I'm sure you can figure something out.

~Zoo

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Serenity:

This tells a story in itself somehow.

That was the goal . . . thanks!

Zoo:

It certainly does have a lot of potential, but I'm having trouble finding the right melody for those haunting words to ring out. Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next, until i can get something put together.

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In a nod to their Tea Party bosses, Republicans within the House insisted on reading the U.S. Constitution text aloud to start the 112th Congress. As with all of political theater, the GOP-led sideshow was combined with controversy and melodrama. The United States Constitution text was cherry picked by Republican leaders and an audience member used the situation to disrespect the president. Looks like somebody may be needing payday cash loans to buy their way out of trouble.

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