Xythe

Join Date 12/2001

Is It Ethical To Spy On Our Young Childrens Internet Use?

Spying vs. Monitoring a childs use of the internet.

Should parents and guardians spy on their children’s internet use?

It should be of no mystery to us that the internet is a potential breeding ground for many types of predators. Pedophiles, stalkers, serial killers and whatever other form of depraved individual (or group) that one can imagine.

Our young children are very susceptible to the manipulation of other adults. I for one do NOT want my daughter seeking important advice from somebody I do not know over the internet; would you?

What is the line between spying on our children’s internet activity and doing ones job as a parent by protecting our children from predators or meddling adults over the internet?

Some people may argue that a younger child should not have access to the internet. However, I disagree. Why limit an extremely valuable learning resource, and a practical end-user experience to older kids and adults exclusively? The extra knowledge and practical skills will come in very handy later on in life, and the head start perhaps invaluable.

I decided it was time for my 11-year-old daughter (at the time) to have her own PC with access to the internet. I told her straight off what kinds of “bad” things she may run across while surfing. I told her what she was allowed to do, and what she was not allowed to do. Basically, I explained much of what I know could possibly cause her harm as a result of dealing with certain people online.

I explained she was a big girl now, and I felt she was responsible enough to surf the internet, and use a computer of her own. I made it very clear that I would be making sure she kept up to my expectations, and would monitor her PC usage regularly. When she asked me why, I told her, “because I love you kiddo, and I don’t want anything harmful coming your way”.

I showed her what she could and could not do on her PC. I set up an email account and an IM for her, and then showed her how to use them. I enabled some parental controls to help keep off the porn. I also told her I had set up monitoring software that allows me to see exactly what she does while online. I told her if she abused any part of what I told her, she would begin losing PC privileges until she could show me she was responsible enough to have them back.

I then took her to my PC and showed her that I could in fact see EVERYTHING she did. I made it very clear that should she step outside our agreement, I would strap her PC so tight she may as well not use it. She agreed. I was quite impressed with her.

To date, she being now 14-years-old, I have not really needed to restrict Shelby’s internet use very often, and I rarely even have a look at what she does. I was pretty amazed that she never even once asked me to uninstall the monitoring software. That’s my GREAT kid

Would you do something similar with your children as I did with my daughter Shelby?

Do you feel an 11-year-old is to young to operate her own PC and have access to the internet?

What would you do differently?

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Absolutely without a doubt. It is vitally imprtant to their safety. There are so many perverts and weirdos out there. 100%.

Trust of the child does not come into it at all.

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Vehemently said

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That was my object MM, to place as few physical restrictions as possible leaving the rest up to her.

It was a test sorta. I was very satisfied withe the results, and still am

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The problem is in the question itself, I think. A parent supervising a child isn't 'spying', so the people who present such an argument have their definitions screwed up in the first place. I think the Internet is a valuable resource, but for kids the age we are talking about here I think they should have a list of sites that they are allowed to go to, and the rest of the net is off limits.

There's just way to many spoofed URLs and other pitfalls. I dunno how many times I have caught really, really vile stuff on searches that got around Google's filters. If a kid misspells a URL or a search they can easily end up on a site they don't want to go to, with a thousand grotesque popup windows complete with sound.

My personal opinion is the Internet is about the same level as driving. Before you're old enough to drive, your access should be limited or at least filtered as much as possible. I think computers should be in public areas of the house and never in a room that a child can close the door and not have anyone see what they are doing.

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I think as a parent you have the duty to watch what your kids are looking at on the internet. My boys all get on the internet they are 13, 10 and 6. They mainly play games but will occassionally look something up for a school project. I have not allowed them to have their own emails or IM's yet. My middle asked but didn't push it, so I just let it go.

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EXACTLY.

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Zoomba

Join Date 11/2002

+114

It is the responsibility of the parent to monitor their child in any activity they take part in, to make sure they're safe and behaving according to your personal beliefs as a parent. This goes for television, movies, music, extracurricular activities, who they spend time with, and absolutely the Internet. I would much rather have a parent restrict their kid's access than have the government step in for "the sake of the children" and begin to curtail what is and isn't allowed online.

Guarding children is the responsibility of the parent. If a parent chooses to give their child unrestricted access to the 'net, they have a responsibility to ensure that their child is using it according to how the parent deems reasonable.

Having had Internet access since I was roughly 10 (1992), I remember a time when the 'net actually was pretty darn safe for kids. But looking at what's there now... I would be very hesitant to allow a child under the age of 13 or so to have their own PC on the Internet. It would be a family PC in a room like the den that gets a lot of traffic so it can be easily "spot checked" Of course it depends on the maturity of the kid etc... but I think prior to being a teen (and in some cases ESPECIALLY once they become a teen) the parent needs to be very careful.

But ultimately, like in most things, the parent bears the ultimate responsibility to make sure their child is being safe.

Like Baker says, this isn't SPYING, it's BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT.

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I agree with Baker, that monitoring isn't spying.

I think though, Xythe, that some parents let their kids on the internet and don't give them those guidelines, which is a pity.

I think that the difference between spying and monitoring is "intent"...are you watching your kid because you want them to get into trouble or are you watching your kid's activities on the internet because you want them to be safe and you care about them?

I think you're doing the right thing, and more parents would do right by their kids by doing so.

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well said

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I think that you're doing the right thing by setting guidelines for her, and no, I don't think monitoring your child's activities online is spying. I think it's simply good parenting.

I have three kids, and I'm proud to say I snoop on their internet sessions. They know that if they violate one of the rules I have set for them regarding being online, then they won't get to be online for a veerrrry long time. Like months. They know that I mean it, and they haven't violated - yet, anyway!

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With so many tools available to guard where your child goes, it should not be necessary to spy, BUT, if you allow your child to go where ever, spy you must to protect them from Internet predators and such.

That was my object MM, to place as few physical restrictions as possible leaving the rest up to her.

And for every tool there is a way around it.

To answer your question, I tell them I do. And I will. And then do not get the nanny goat to figure it out. They know I can, even if they try to hide their tracks. So far?

I am bored with their chat sites (I did reprimand one son for his language), and the rest is a bore as well.

BUT. They know I can and will look at what they are doing. Not all the time, but when I feel like it. SO they cannot depend upon me not doing it at any given time.

As I said, so far, a bore, and some nasty language. And a lot of songs and movies.

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KFC Kickin For Christ

Join Date 11/2005

+93

I think you seem to be doing it right Xythe. When my kids were Shelby's age I did not have internet in the house on purpose so we didn't have to go thru all this. I have no regrets. All three are very computer literate now and it doesn't seem to have had any effect of holding them back by not having connection at home. They had usage at school and the local library. and while not perfect for them all the time it worked great for the most part. This was about 10 yrs ago now when the first one was in HS. When the last one was finishing up HS we did get connected. I still know families that refuse to get online for various reasons, although it's getting harder not to be since our world is so connected via the net.

I was concerned with not only the bad and ugly stuff on the net, but also the addiction of being on all the time, when I felt they should be doing other things. We did know one HS girl who met an older guy on the net and ran off with him getting herself pregnant. Her parents did all they could to stop her but to no avail.

As the others already have said, it's our duty to monitor ALL that our kids do. It's a very big part of parenting. It's our job to get them to 18 in one piece.

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I think I started using the net at around that age...somewhere in preteen years...I never went crazy with anything on there. I guess that makes me responsible...especially since there were no parental controls on my computer...still aren't, actually, but I'm 18 now...so that better not be a problem.

~Zoo

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I think computers should be in public areas of the house and never in a room that a child can close the door and not have anyone see what they are doing.

Thats the beauty of the monitoring software Baker, I dont have to be in ther room, and it dont matter whether the door is open or otherwise. The software is like the threat of, or in fact being there all the time.

It was a great way to test may daughters responsibilities, and for the better part she did very well.

There's just way to many spoofed URLs and other pitfalls.

I worried about this in the beginning. I'm not certain some of her visits were to spoofed URLs, but there were a few times I needed to ask her about certain pages she had visited. All turned out to be learning lessons for both she and I. Sometimes I saw certain things and let them go...kids will be kids and have certain curiosities they will soothe- internet or no internet.

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Reply By: LocamamaPosted: Friday, October 27, 2006I think as a parent you have the duty to watch what your kids are looking at on the internet.

They mainly play games but will occassionally look something up for a school project. I have not allowed them to have their own emails or IM's yet. My middle asked but didn't push it, so I just let it go.

I found mostly as you said, and a lot of music searches and the like. There was very little use in the way of email for nearly 2 years and the only use of her IM for quite a while was from me "letting" her know I was "there (in the beginning).

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Having had Internet access since I was roughly 10 (1992), I remember a time when the 'net actually was pretty darn safe for kids.

Me too. Back in 1992 I believe the emergance of WWW and HTTP was first implemented. Stuff like porn was only found on newsgroops in binary and required a lot of time to download and convert them to viewable images. It was all a little tougher in the days of 2400baud

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I think though, Xythe, that some parents let their kids on the internet and don't give them those guidelines, which is a pity.

Its paramount to allowing their children use the internet. Anything short of electronic "watching" or physical watching is IMHO negligent and inviting problems.

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I think that you're doing the right thing by setting guidelines for her,....

Thank you

Two thumbs up!!

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And for every tool there is a way around it.

This tool was pretty good, and tough to hide from. Between this and the remote access I was very satisfied.

I am bored with their chat sites (I did reprimand one son for his language), and the rest is a bore as well.

As I said, so far, a bore, and some nasty language. And a lot of songs and movies.

I found quite a bit of this as well. I too was mostly, as you mentioned, bored.

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I think you seem to be doing it right Xythe.

Thanks KFC

I was concerned with not only the bad and ugly stuff on the net, but also the addiction of being on all the time,

Make no mistake that this was, and still is to some extent an issue. In fact, many of the "discussions" Shelby and I have/had concerning the internet were just based on this issue alone, rather than her poor surfing habits.

We did know one HS girl who met an older guy on the net and ran off with him getting herself pregnant. Her parents did all they could to stop her but to no avail

OMG, too fears in one lump! Believe me, this has always been and still is a MAJOR concern of mine.

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I agree, it's not spying, it's parenting. Being aware of what your children are up to is taking care of them. I dont' have spyware and stuff like that. Although my two oldest 17 and 12, have a computer in their rooms, there is no internet on those. The internet is on the one I use which is in the living room. I keep track and I use passwords and I'm the administrator, no one else. It's important for parents to watch out for their children.

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I guess that makes me responsible..

Yes it does. Its also commendable.

...I never went crazy with anything on there.

Shelby has not either, but there have been issues.

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I did not have access to the internet till I was older. Actually I did not get my hands on a PC till I was in 11th grade in 1992-93. Sad huh? I bought my first PC at around 23.

I guess if you feel it’s OK to allow your kids access to the internet at her age that’s cool. I think it all depends on the child. That word right there says it all, child. We tend to insult others by calling them children cause we know they don’t always know better. That’s why we the parents are here for. My oldest son, 8 years old, is pretty good getting around the PC and finding his games that I installed for him. He has his own PC but it’s not working to well but he does not have internet. I only got mine a month ago so he has not had a taste of it for a long time. I showed him a few game sites such as Cartoon Network, Nick Jr and Sesame Street and he likes them. He, however, has not mastered how to find his way around the internet (not that it bothers me

). I’m not comfortable with him using the internet yet, maybe in a few years. I plan to upgrade his PC as soon as I have a chance.

The internet is a very dangerous place. The TV shows it everyday, reports of children and teens finding their way to strangers who in most cases turn out to be sick people, the weird sites out their, Myspace.com, etc. It’s too much. I will do my best to make sure he learns to use it wisely and I will most likely follow in your foot steps with software. The way I see it, my house, my rules. Until he joins the work force and the bill paying clan, he will have to deal with my concern for his safety, and even afterwards

.

My sister has been very sloppy with her girls who are 14 and 15. I spent every weekend almost literally using a pressure hose to clean out all the spyware, viruses and garbage programs they would install every time they went to these strange sites her friends would tell them to go to get emoticons, pictures of their fav singers and actors, dumb games and chatting with others using names such as Kitty Cat (which I think is not appropriate for their age, there is a reason for picking it in the first place and it has nothing to do with liking pets).

You deserve some props for doing a good job with you kids Xythe. I can only hope to repeat your success. I will try my best, and then some.

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Stuff like porn was only found on newsgroops in binary and required a lot of time to download and convert them to viewable images. It was all a little tougher in the days of 2400baud

Kinda interesting how not only did you know how to find it, but also how long it took to download and how to convert it. Hmmm, wonder what you were up to on the Internet in 1992.

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