OMG!
How many times in my life will I hear that one!
The last guy I was with just let me have it on Sunday.
Man. Like what the heck. As if!
It was VERY convienient.
O.K heres the story.
1. Six weeks ago this guy finds me. We have known each other for about 4 yrs. We are both single at the same time. Sounds good so far?
2.He is an emotional wreck, I offered him freindship instead of romance. He wanted it all.
3.After prying me out of my usual state of never wanting a relationship as I hate drama, I beguin to really dig this guy.
4.I realize I am putting far more into this than him. It kinda hit me when I was going to work oneday and he was giving me a lift yet I had two bags of garbage in one hand, lunch and work shit in the other . He had a smoke in his hand..............
5.I forgave that, afterall he was having a hard time ....right?
6.Then it all went wiggy. My eyes were open . All I saw was someone who was not taking me out , hanging around here, and sodding miserable. I know he was in a bad place, but I am no therapist.
7.The last straw was on Sunday. I asked what he was up to that day, we had spent the night here and I guess I was hoping he would pick me up after my shift to do something...like dinner! He told he he HAD to go over to his parents for dinner . He is 45.......Also his sister was going as her husband was away for three days and she felt loneley.
8.My head did the excorsist thing. I felt my mouth contort ....LONELEY!!!!!!! Wow,,,,She was LONELEY and he HAD to go....( I cannot spell) I heard myself break. I let it go man. I told him I had never felt as alone in a relationship as I did with him. We never went out, I was like a @ucking mistress!!!!! I asked him when in 6 weeks he had ever treated me like a lady...Called me to see how I was...Raised a finger to help me....There was a rather long silence. I told him to get me to work as it was too late for a bus.
9. Spent my shift in an interview room, calling my client files as I was too screwed up to deal with the public. It was a comment from a fellow worker that did me in. She popped down to see me and said, "You look heartbroken, I thought you were off men". That did it man. I am known for my singleness... and hottness too! Here was a chick reading me like a book! I never told anyone at work about the latest guy basicaly because I am a really private person who keeps her home stuff there and visa versa.
10. I gave HIM a ring at the moment. I told his answer machine ( He was at Mummies) that this was affecting my job so come on over and get your stuff.
11. He called later that night all drunk and professing his commitment to us and how it was all gonna be uphill and how we would be doing all this stuff together including going to see James Blunt ( my next husband) blah deee blah dee blah....
12. Next day. We go to the park, look like the ideal couple complete with adorable doggie.....After the dogs gets a wasp sting things get heated. My painkiller injection (every 8 wks due to a car accident but thats another story) beguins to wear off sooner than usual. As I feel this burny. tingly sensation I realize I am in trouble, I need to get home and meditate , yup thats how we deal with chronic pain (and its totally cool and hot....).I am a little panicked at this piont and tell Mr Wonderful I need to get home. He balks, he wanted to get me an icecream cone to show how special I was to him. I explianed I had to get home as my body was like on fire ,not in a good way either. He goes all wierd telling me he felt it was not going to work out. Us that is. I am horified. I asked why he insisted on going to the park , he wanted to" feel it out "as he put it. He decided it was over as he was not ready for a relationship.
13. He tells me " I am not the one" .
14. I want to kill him after all I had not really wanted this! I am very happy alone, I hate drama, I hate being hurt. I am basically too gunshy to go there with men anymore. Yet he seduced me .And I let him! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
15. I am now in a state of shock. I see it all. I ask for some kinda respect, thats all, and he runs away . I see it all.
16. On the rather stony ride home, no icecream, he valentley offers to get me some asprin. I look at him and say, rather dramatically I'm ashamed to admit.."There is no drug for my kinda pain" He cannot wait to drop me and my backpack, full of water, sunblock, doggie treats, books all that good stuff off. I see a cloud of dust as he speeds past my permanentley parked car in his pimpmobile.
17. Later that night he comes back to get his stuff that I have not had the energy to destroy.
18. He asks for the first time how I am.
19. I do my best James Blunt and say " I am hollow ".
20 .That @ucker.
So after a sleepless night or two, listening to really good oldie mouldies like Chicago's "If you leave me now" and Maroon 5's
"She will be loved" I am still alittle teary but have found comfort in pain.
The sun is still shining, the local pool is still open, I am still way hot, my kiddies love me, I love my job, the wind feels good on my face, I am still here.
A little wiser, learned that being there for someone doe's pay off. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
As he said " I am not the one" , no shit Sherlock.
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