I finally got a break last night.
Dropped my baby off with my step mother I was going to do some Christmas shopping.
Everything was going to be alright.
I ran into my ex at the Wal-mart.
As soon as I did I knew that it was a mistake, because he automatically stopped me in the middle of the store to tell me that he needed to talk to me.
I did not like the idea of him wanting to talk to me. Nothing he had to say to me could be good. We finished our shopping together for the baby, and then he followed me to the car.
Thats when things got weird.
As soon as the last bag was in the car he hugged me like he has never hugged me before.
Then BURST out in tears. Telling me he missed me. He wants to be with me. He wants to be with us.
I just let him cry and let him say what he had to say.
Once he was finished I pried him off of me, and told him good night
He kind of got upset at me because I didnt say anything regarding his mental breakdown.
I could see the look in his eyes that he has been hurt, but you know there was nothing I could do about it.
I climbed into my car and waited for him to walk away. Once he was out of sight I finally burst out into tears myself.
What right does he have?
I have raised his child alone for two years, and out of the blue he wants to come up to me and tell me he missed me.
I did not know whether i was mad or genuinely upset about this, and I did not want to think about this anymore.
All the way home my anger started to build and I started to get more upset.
His drugs probably arent working anymore.
His Crack head girlfriend probably left him.
I kept telling myself that nothing was ever going to make me go back to him. But at that point I felt that there was no hope. I have become so lonely, and I thought in that moment that I would turn the car around and go back to his house and curl up in his bed, and pretend like everything could just go back to normal.
I kept pushing myself to my house to where I needed to be. I had to do good i could not be that person again.
Finally parking at my step mothers house, and walking in to the house was all it took.
My strength was laying in a little ball on his PawPaw's lap. I knew in that moment that I would not turn around, and run into the arms of my past no matter how inviting it was. I knew that I could not go back to the person that I struggled so hard to leave in that past. I have become to strong for him to be able to get into my head like that and I would not ever be treated like a fool again.
I don't need a man in my life that I am going to have to worry all the time whether or not I am doing wrong or right.
~Where there is no struggle there is no strength~
~You don't need to be strong. You need to feel strong~