test mic check
How do you tell someone that is genuinely trying to reach out, that you have no interest in them whatsoever. The artificial front that they present to the world, you know is a mask that they hide behind because they confessed it to be so while drunk, all the while I stood trapped, unable to leave or make myself care. I know now how to label it after years and years of hating, and before that fearing the very same markers that identify that personality.
Boisterous, narcissistic and apparently approaching life with such child like enthusiasm that everyone automatically assumes their life must be wonderful. They are unhappy if they aren't the life of the party, and try as they might to show others a good time become disgruntled if their "ward" steals too much limelight. They learn to target quieter males that they assume are less confident so they can show their alpha male status under the guise of friendship. In school years they haven't learned to disguise their actions so they are more basic in their approach of dominating those around them. Primitive taunts, cruel jokes played at others expense and physical torment all to prove to themselves that they are superior.
I understand these men, I understand why they do what they do and I avoid them. I have suffered at their hands for the entirety of my teens, and in my youth I am ashamed to say I almost became one of them to protect myself. I despise this primitive need to humiliate, and I feel no compassion for those who live according to these rules. Now they come to me for comfort, they confess that they aren't truly happy and look to me for a shoulder to lean on. They expect that I will be grateful that they have "reached down" to my level.
What can I say that will convey the full sense of icy indifference I feel towards their petty woes. I understand they are working from a lower level of understanding, and I don't feel I'm out of line to condescend. They chose their path, they chose poorly and I would rather kick their fingers off the ledge than pull them back up. Kick me for 15 years and expect me to smile and call you friend when you stop kicking? Insanity.