I haven’t written an article in so long it’s like I don’t know how to start (Okay I wrote one already this year but just go with it)
To make a long story short I died in a dream I had last night.
A friend of mine always used to tell me when we were younger that if you died in your dream it meant you were dead in real life. Like if you dreamt you were falling from a cliff and you didn’t wake up before you landed you would die. I would tell him no way people who dream died. It is people who don’t dream who are dead. Like that? At an early age I was philosophical, which is a nice way of saying I was full of bullshit.
Well, anyway back to my dream. To make a short story long I was in a bar drinking when a fight broke out at the pool table at the other end of the bar. Somebody with a million dollar arm and a ten cent brain threw the 8-ball wildly and it hit me square on the forehead. (I never thought if I was to die from an 8-ball it would actually be an 8-ball from a pool table)
Next thing you know I’m in heaven. Yes, heaven! I can’t believe it, either. Let me tell you about heaven. Heaven was like … heaven. The only thing is the orientations. It was like getting a new job at the biggest corporation ever. There were many kinds of meetings, each meeting explaining the different parts of heaven.
After I got my assignment of which part of heaven I would be at I was taken into this huge room. It was like 50 times bigger than that room at the end of The Raiders of the Lost Ark where the U.S. Government stores the Ark of the Covenant.
An angel tells me the room is filled with things that everyone on Earth has lost or had stolen from them. Have you ever lost anything important to you? Well, when you get to heaven you get everything back which holds value to you. Like for example, pictures of your family you thought were ruined, things that are no value to anyone but are priceless to you.
I waited in the room while an angel got my things. I was given a box of my things. Mostly, they were wonderful pictures of loved ones. Pictures I don’t remember taking. There was also a black leather jacket. I remembered it. I remembered it well it was my lucky jacket. I tried it on and it still fit. Of course, it was going to fit it is Heaven.
As I’m walking out of the huge room an alarm starts going off and blue lights start flashing everywhere. Another angel tells me due to an error I had to go. I wasn’t supposed to be in heaven. I immediately thought, “Fuck, I knew I was going to Hell. So am I being sent to Richmond?” Boom!! (I’m only joking. Put that in there for LW and Doc)
So I was sent back to the bar where I wake up with Scarlett Johannson giving me CPR. Okay, not Heaven but pretty damn close. I get to my feet, sit back down on the bar stool and order another 7-7. As I’m sitting drinking talking up Scarlett she says, “I like your jacket”. I look down and see I’m still wearing my leather jacket (Told you it was lucky) so why am I still wearing the jacket? How did that work out? Did they make another mistake?
I put my hands in my pockets and I pull out an I-Pod. I know it’s not mine. It’s the whitest I-Pod I ever seen. It’s like it’s glowing, like the fullest of moons. I don’t know how or why but I just know it belongs to God.
I put on the earphones and right when I push the button for his playlist I wake up.
So my question to you is what’s on God’s I-Pod? Damn, sure was a long way for just one question. Still, what’s on his playlist? Or what’s on Jesus’?