I am a guy. I like guy stuff…like guy movies. But, I consider myself a romantic; and that includes taking in a good chick-flick. So, when we decided to use a pass to the silver screen showing of Nights in Rodanthe, I was all for it. After all, it was from Nicholas Sparks, author of what I consider the best love story of all time, The Notebook. I cry every time I see Noah crawl into his wife’s hospital bed. I’m a sucker for sap.
Watching Rodanthe was akin to watching bumpers attached to vehicles on an assembly line. Gere, who I happen to like, was drab and dull, second only to Costner in Sparks’ other disaster movie, Message in a Bottle. I think I saw Lane in the movie once, but I had to ask for confirmation. Somehow, these two managed to make Eastwood and Steep look energetic. (If you saw The Bridges of Madison County, you know what I mean.) I found The Bride of Chucky to be more romantic.
*Spoiler Alert* (Trust me…read this and save seven bucks and 97 minutes of your life.):
Title: [LONG] Nights in Rodanthe
Starring: Richard Gere (played by Mr. Bill…and anyone old enough to connect to Gere’s character is old enough to remember Mr. Bill) and Diane Lane (played by corrugated cardboard)
Gere: Oh, nooooo. I killed somebody and I need to move, but I have nowhere to go. I’ll book a room on a beach about to be hit by a hurricane.
Lane: Welcome to the Inn.
Gere: ZZZ…Did you say something?
(A hurricane comes ashore and blows real hard flapping a few shutters.)
Gere: Oh, nooooo.
Lane: Let’s kiss.
Gere: O kaaaaaay.
Gere and Lane: ZZZ…
Gere: (Running his finger over Lane’s shoulder.) [Gere: I have to read these cheesy lines ‘cause they’re paying me to do so, but guys, if you ever repeat these lines, you WILL get dumped.]
Lane: (Walking on the beach picking up skateboards washed ashore from the misguided surfers who tried to hang ten with wheels, I guess.) I should be somewhere else.
Gere: I have to go.
Lane: (Relieved.) Okay.
Gere: Oh, nooooo. SPLAT!
Lane: (Crying.) Oh, noooo. Horses on the beach! I’m all better. (Credits roll.)
Needless to say, I didn’t get my money’s worth…and I had a free pass.
Since we’re talking movies, head over to the Friday Five (Sunday Edition), and let’s talk movies…