I realise something the other day. I don't feel as connected to my faith as I used to be. I asked myself how did I get that way? Is it because I don't go to church as often as I used to, which was, not every sunday, but not just on holidays!
Is it because I don't pray as often as I usually do? Well, I still pray, any and everywhere.
Is it because I don't read my bible as often as I used to? I don't read it as often, that's true. I don't feel that I am missing anything not doing so. I do remember the days when I used to pour over the bible my dad gave me, reading, highlighting, underling the words and verses that jumped out at me, that spoke to me.
I don't think so, no. Although I've begun again, because it might have been re-written by man, but there are some lovely stories, and verses, and powerful stuff in it. That feel good feeling, can't say no to that!
Then I question myself about my life, my beliefs, my faith. It's been a year of ups and downs, and some more ups...and sometimes a few things to knock me back down to Earth. I also realise that I haven't been calling on Him as much as I used to. He didn't go anywhere, I kind of moved on, in a sense. I moved on with my life activities, being too busy to sometimes acknowledge him, to say thank you. Oh yes, when I need Him, he's always there, He never lets me down, yet I have somehow, I put him at arms length, only to pull him in when I need him.
Life is not all about taking, it is in the giving as well. And so I slow down so as to continue my spiritual journey, so as not to be lost in a fog, to let Him know that he can count on me, when he needs me to be there, for my family, the way I always am, for my friends, or even a stranger. I have opened myself up to hearing his voice again.
I am not the church-going, bible-thumping 24/7 and all that, it is not me. I have to be true to myself, and as I continue my own journey of awakeness. I have to be the vessel the way I'm meant to be. I have to be me.