don’t curse the alarm clock

don’t wake up the others

don’t go to work without shaving

don’t wear that tie with those pants

don’t leave without kissing her goodbye

don’t drive like a maniac

don’t get in an accident

don’t be late to the office

don’t be unproductive

don’t go to non-work-related websites

don’t daydream about sex

don’t skip lunch

don’t eat any trans fats

don’t talk to any other guys at the urinal

don’t be unprepared for your meeting

don’t tell your boss what you really think

don’t leave until after the boss does

don’t forget to call and ask if she needs anything

don’t bring your work home with you

don’t ignore the kids

don’t take it out on the kids

don’t fight it if she wants to take a walk after dinner

don’t hog the remote

don’t go to bed without taking a shower

don’t forget she needs foreplay

don’t knead her breasts like dough

don’t come too soon

don’t come before she does

don’t roll over and fall asleep as soon as you’re finished

don’t fall asleep if she wants to talk

don’t leave the tv on all night

don’t forget to say your prayers.